CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

Archive for the tag “GriefShare.org”

30 Dec 2011

More Answers!

I saw my wonderful primary  care doc last week and filled her in on my life the last month or so. She had to keep the lights low, I thought I might have pink eye or that maybe the candida infection had gotten into my eyes. They hurt, were very gritty, like stuff was in them. She was very concerned that I could not get into my ophthalmologist until this week and when I told her of the trouble I was having getting in to see the infectious diseases doc-she said, “stay right here, I’ll take care of it”.  And take care of it she did! I had an appointment with the eye doctor the next morning (most important) and then an appointment with infectious diseases the next Tuesday, early morning. Wow! what having a doc on your side does! She also changed the oral med I was taking for the mouth and lip sores since I had had no healing there at all and she told me to be sure that she got feedback from the docs on my visits.

Between then and now (the 29th) these are the scriptures the Lord has given to me–and how I have needed them!  Grace-Filled Waiting- 2 Cor 4:4-18 We do not lose heart and Yet Will I Rejoice- Habakkuk 3:11-19 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.  So here is what happened at the doctors-

I saw the ophthalmologist the next morning and truthfully, I don’t think I have ever had such a thorough exam! The first thing he said was-the good news is you don’t have an infection. The bad news is you have the dryest eyes I have ever seen since I have been practicing. This is why you hurt. I couldn’t believe that dry eyes would do that-and I had even had the surgery to help with dry eyes, so how could this be? He said is was all because of my rheumatoid arthritis. I couldn’t believe it-how could it affect my eyes? but he said it was and went on to say there were probably other areas of my body that were being attacked as well. I needed to see my Rheumatoidologist. I told him about the candida and that I was seeing an infectious diseases specialist on the next Tues and he said he’d get all the info on what he had done and ordered to her. In the meantime, he gave me 2 prescriptions for eyedrops-each 4 times/day and in between those times I was to use over the counter tears. AND then he gave me a prescription for several blood tests!  I was shocked! I have never had that happen either.

Needless to say by the time we finally saw the doc on that Tues, she had a lot of information about me. What was amazing was that she had already  read it. Then the second amazing thing happened. She said my major problem is that I have no immunity and that will get me killed. Right now, that is her first concern-to build me up. So she began to ask me what I did, what’s my stress level (ha), extra curricular activities, etc. I was downplaying it, but remember my sister was with me and spoke right up! The hardest thing for me to give up and what I can’t understand the Lord’s way in this is GriefShare. I also have to stop working at night, rest during the day-in fact rest as much as I can any place, any where, any time that I can. She said I really need to be aware of my surroundings at all times because that’s when triggers can strike and right now my goal should be NO ATTACKS–that way, no presnesdone or solu-medrol gets into my body. So I am really praying that I am attack free.

I have no idea how long I need to be so careful, but I am going to have to take the 3 drugs probably for the rest of my life and even if/when I get my immunity built up-no one is going to want to mess with it by giving me asthma drugs unless it is life and death again. Oh what a place to be in! Well I do trust the team I have now. I believe they can and will work together. So my part will be to pray and to rest and to rely on my God-no stress, remember?

Posted in asthma, Christianity, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
19 Nov 2011
1 Comment

My Eulogy at My Dad’s Funeral

I  am Cindy, Dad’s first born child. I was also the first Hungerford girl in many generations. I guess as the first born, I had a special connection with Dad. He was my first love and god all rolled up into one for me from my first memories.

I believed everything he said and tried — until my teens anyway — to do everything he wanted me to. In first grade, I told my teacher that my dad said the moon was made of green cheese. She said absolutely not! But I argued with her and got sent to the principal’s office. I explained that my dad said it—so it was true! Poor Daddy, he had to go down to the principal’s office and explain and apologize!

When Dad died, I had all these flashbacks of him and me. At six, my first Christmas I remember the handmade doll furniture for my doll. My first bike and teaching me to ride without training wheels. A Halloween parade where he made me the most a awesome tail that curled and pitchfork for my devil costume—this was before we knew any better!

When I broke my arm playing Tarzan and Jane and he ran all the red lights to get me to the hospital. The weekend trips aroundTexas, to San Jacinto Memorial, to New Braunsfels where I rode my first horse.

Of course in my teens things changed a lot! I wanted to be a part of the crowd. Dad didn’t want me out there at all. I seemed to get grounded all the time. When I was 15, I was grounded and had to ask him to please let me go with my boyfriend to his prom-he relented and let me go. When I was 16 and had my birthday party at home and the kids started dancing—he shut it down. I was mad at him for a long time. I didn’t care that our church preached against dancing and he was a deacon—and needed to adhere to the church’s doctrines. But that was Dad-at that point in his life he was still about works and earning his salvation.

Life with my dad was not easy as a teen, but after I married my Dennis at 29, I seemed to finally grow up and when we moved toTampa in 1984, I purposed to have a closer relationship with both my parents. This led to much visiting and really getting to know my father as a person. For the first time, I heard about his early life and his war years. I finally understood why he was the way he was—military straight, absolutes because of his nuclear physics education and lack of love in his home growing up. When he stood here and told ya’ll a month ago that my mom was the first person to love him unconditionally-he was being truthful.  I am glad that I had come to love him unconditionally long ago.

After mom’s funeral last month, he came to stay with Dennis and me for three weeks.

It was a precious time I am so thankful for now. We talked about his salvation experience and his great regrets in his life. How very much he loved his children, but couldn’t express it. How proud he was of everyone for their teaching their own children about Jesus. That we, his children were believers. That was his greatest legacy.

I was sent a card by one of my staff at work.

It said  “Remember that your father left the world a legacy in the good and caring person that you have grown to be. And in this time of sadness may it help to comfort you to know that he is still a part of all you are and do.

 

I found this today searching through my files for another lost file. The 3rd anniversary of Dad’s  death is coming up soon. December 14th. Mom had died 5 weeks previously on Nov 5. You know, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss them both so much! They prayed for me, supported me unconditionally, loved me and my associate was right, they taught me about Jesus.  I”m sure they nor I had any idea how much a person could change–as I have, but I hope that Jesus has told them. And I know my Mom is happy that I finally “get it” that Bible study is the most important thing you can do-along with praying-if you want to know, really know Our Great God, Our Father, Our Creator, Our Savior who hides us in the cleft of the rock, covers us with His feathers, holds us in the palm of His hand and will never, ever let us go.

Posted in 4 spritual laws, Bible study, Christianity, eulogy for dad, GriefShare and tagged , , , , ,
11 Nov 2011

Answered Prayers

Deuteronomy 4:7 (Moses is speaking) What other nation is so great as to have their gods near  them the way the Lord our God is near us when we pray to him. (At that time, the Lord traveled in a cloud by day and a fire at night above the Israelites. Kept them cool, kept them warm, and protected them)

IPeter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer…

 I had to talk about answered prayer tonight, because this week I say the Father answered my prayers-not all of them yet-but biggies with deadlines. When the others come to their deadlines, I am confident that He will have answered them.

I have a brother in law with a particularly slow growing leukemia-only last month it had taken off and the doctor was suddenly talking chemo. We prayed for the Lord’s will in this and He chose to stop it in it’s tracks! The blood looked good.                         

Then one of my sisters called and asked me to pray especially for her today because she had a big presentation that meant a huge sale for her company and a good commission for her. I prayed that she would have a clear mind, and clear speech, that the presentation would be all that she wanted it to be and that God would grace her with success. She called at 5 today to say it had gone so well and she had used one of my closing  questions to close.

Then another sister called. We had prayed long and hard about her mind accepting the math of real estate and the laws and ethics of real estate because she is taking the course right now and really needs to pass it. And as of Tuesday, she was batting zero. That’s why we prayed. I know that God listens and I know that He looks at our hearts as we are praying-He knows our motives. She is doing this to help support her family, what better, higher motive? And so as we went to His throne with confidence-the confidence that Christ gives us, we worshipped our Lord first as He deserves. He is our Creator, the maker of all things. Psalms 148 says “Let everything praise the Lord”–that includes inanimate objects, it includes everything He has made because ALL things, believe it or not make sound in some way and that sound is praise back to Him. So if objects can and do praise Him, then we are able to communicate in so many ways can do no less-everytime we think about it! We should praise Him, but I digress. I was talking about prayer. So after we worshipped our Lord and thanked Him for our every blessing, then we began to petition Him for brain power, for clear thinking and reasoning, for whatever it would take to pass the next 2 tests. So of course, when she called tonight to tell me that she had passed the first one, all I could do was say “thank you Lord, You are so good, Lord, Praise the Lord”. It was awesome! And we got praise reports on things we had been praying for in our Bible study group today, so I was pretty hyped when I went to my GriefShare group tonight.

I can’t really talk about what happens in group except to say the breakthroughs are happening. I see God answering my prayers for these suffering people and tonight was asked why did I know the answers in the Bible like I do?-it comes from studying His Word, I told them. It’s not like Sunday School-until you’ve done it, it’s hard to explain to another exactly what happens to you when you give yourself to study–but I know it changes you, you see more of what God needs to change in you–what you want God to change in you. For me, it’s the most important thing I do all week-because it is my time alone with God and believe me, He makes good use of it! Secondly, it’s Sunday church. I love it for the worship and the teaching. A lot of the time it confirms again in my heart and spirit what God has just taught me, so I know it’s not just me making that up!

For those of you reading this, if you aren’t in a Bible study but really want to know the Lord better–this is the way! and besides, imagine meeting all of the writers in heaven some day and you’ve never read their book!

Posted in 4 spritual laws, Bible study, christian, Christianity, GriefShare, life stories, Prayer, Religion and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
19 Mar 2011
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God has spoken to me and I’m not kidding

Anyone who has read my blog of the last year and a half knows of my journey. So please bear with me while I recount the last 2 wks. Two weeks ago, our pastor gave a sermon on stories and used my life verse, ll Cor 1:4 as the text.  The jist of it was that really our life is not about getting there–the destination, it is about the journey. It’s about our experiences, our sphere of people we interact with (whether we want to or not), just everything that touches us. The Bible says that EVERYTHING that comes to us is filtered through His fingers. So for all my life I have asked, Why did you give my this body Lord?  Why did I have to have this happen to me? Why can I not stay well? Why do I have to live with constant pain, Why, Why, Why? So how could my loving, gracious all powerful holy Father let this all happen to me? First I believe you really have to go to the Word of God for answers, for comfort, for knowledge, even for help in my believing, but unbelief too. This isn’t something that you get from self help books or even counselors–this is between you and holy God. So as I was studying in Isaiah in my weekly lesson, in one chapter it kept saying “in the womb I formed you” over and over and at first I grumbled but then I remembered in Psalms where God said He knit my innermost parts together and in Jeremiah He says that he has a plan to care for and prosper me. Then I went back to my life verse and as I began to read it, God began to tell me why. I never expected an answer!  Afterall, He is God of all and doesn’t have to explain anything he does. But this is what he told me.

Cindy, I love you. I have loved forever and will always love you. Nothing will separate you from my love. My child your life has been a series of stories, sometimes miracles that I have done, so that whenever you meet someone  there will almost be instant rapport because you and  that person or their loved one has gone through  the same physical trial you have and you know exactly how they feel and so can offer comfort. Physical issues and pain bring people together along with other things you’ve experienced. I know that you have been going through the trial of affliction and that you have had to come through a lot of losses in the past 3 years but my child, now you are truly dependant on me. My child, you must trust me for my promises. and then He said it again, Trust me.

So now I wait for Him to act on those promises. But I will never again complain about my body-all I will do is look about in anticipation of who the Lord is going to bring to me to share and comfort with!

Posted in 4 spritual laws, aspergillus fungus, asthma, bankruptcy, Bible study, brain tumor, breast cancer, breast reduction, cervical fusions, christian, chronic fatigue, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
24 Aug 2010

Summer 2010 Has Flown…

I can’t believe that fall is soon here. We start a new GriefShare Group this Thursday. For those of you who follow, please be in prayer for those who will be coming!

I spent a lot of last week, preparing for a presentation to an organization called “Ladies in the Biz”.  This is a group of ladies involved in all areas of commercial retail real estate. They had a big “to do” last night and I had the privilege of speaking to them about Human Resource issues ( I am a recruiter). I loved being back out among my clients and potential clients trading cards-it was like I had come out of hibernation. I guess it really was hibernation, because except for a meeting  at night 2 weeks ago, I haven’t done anything except work, eat, sleep, GriefShare, and church for a year since I had the tumors on my head. (see previous posts).  The success of that meeting has spurred me to plan speaking engagements with other groups within my specialty practice. I’m excited!

The Lord continues to be gracious with my work and collections. I am so learning not to do a thing for a search until I pray. Still, the Lord gives and He takes away. Other things in daily life continue to be hard:  expensive appliances breaking, one more thing to worry about health wise, my husband’s job-he sells too and isn’t! But I know who controls the universe and He’s my Father. I bow to Him and what He sends my way as I know He is refining me.

Posted in christian, chronic pain, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
18 Jul 2010

A New One for God’s Kingdom

As we are on hiatus for GriefShare for the summer, I just get calls from those who call in for counseling or help. Last month, I had a call from a young woman who had  lost her husband in March, just 3 months before. She was getting Hospice counseling, but still not coping well. I briefly told her some of my story about how I had come to know Jesus in a personal way and then asked her for her story.  She replied that she must have just assimilated it all from being in church all her life. I told her, “it’s ok, we’ll just start from scratch”. We arranged to meet at a Starbucks at the hospital where she worked-after, yes, another doctor’s appointment for me. Little did I know what God had in store for me!!

We got together and quickly talked through our hellos, how are you doing this week?-not well-ok we’ll talk about the Great Comforter. From there I went right into reading together from a little booklet I have called the Four Spiritual Laws. (I’ll detail them in my next post for those not familiar) While going through the scriptures and the Laws, my new friend came to see that she had to ask Jesus to come into her life, she wasn’t just born with Him; He didn’t just join her one day in church. My Lord Jesus is a gentleman. He even says in scripture (Rev 3:20) Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and will open the door and invite me in, then I will come in and will stay with him. When we came to the sample prayer, she immediately wanted to pray-and pray aloud she did-asking Jesus into her heart right there in Starbucks!

Our conversation then went on to the Trinity and the Great Comforter, the Holy Spirit who now lives inside us. And really what a true Comfort He will be now that He is in her. The ways to go to Him and count on Him. Right now, at this stage of her life, the precious holy Comforter is the most important part of her life.

So after 2 hours or so we went our separate ways, promising to talk regularly, get together at church, and the importance of her baptism.  I knew of course that  I had done nothing but be there and open my mouth. That God had spoken all the words to bring her to Him. But what a tremendous blessing it was to me to be used like that.

Posted in Bible study, christian, GriefShare, Suffering loss and tagged , , , | Leave a Comment
01 Mar 2010

SUNDAY, February 28, 2010

Hard to believe that February has come and gone without me writing a note! But it also shows that I have been really busy, trying to work, and when I wasn’t working, I was flat out! Praise God that I HAVE work to do!

I have to admit I haven’t been too good at the 2 hours up and 2 hours down thing. I get on a roll with my calls and I look up and 4 hours have passed and I am dying! Well, not literally, of course, but extreme fatigue and slowly but surely diminishing pain…at least that was true until last week, when things seem to be accelerating again! I still hurt a lot on the right side and it is smushy to the side of where they opened me up in December. Well, I do see the neuro Dr this week, I think. I know I can’t live on pills for the rest of my life! I did see where one doctor had referred to my problem as parietal foraminas. Wonder if that is a diagnosis?

But there have been really nice things happening. I am seeing people and continuing to share my faith and my life with those to whom I come in contact. Sometimes, I think I am continuing to suffer for the story God has given me. I love the people I am meeting and connecting with–sometimes it is a new family connection–my very wise sister-in-law for instance has had some major insight for me. Or my new friend, breast cancer buddy Alicia who calls me every 2 weeks. We only met for a few minutes in the doctor’s office, but she reached out to me for comfort and some insight as one who has been there. I plan to be there for her surgery this month. A new believer after our 2nd conversation, I only can praise the Lord God for His precious mercy and grace in allowing me to be a part of opening her eyes to Jesus!

I am also able to drive again. Yes, thank you Jesus-that is another “better”. Our GriefShare ministry has started up again. My precious husband has been driving me, but that will stop as again, thank you Jesus, he has a new job he is starting tomorrow!!!

God is so good. Just when you think you can’t go on anymore in your own strength, He calmly takes over and does more and better than you ever could! A wonderful lesson at church today from Colossians showed how very far I have yet to go. My BSF study in I John confirmed it for me this afternoon if I had any doubt!

Thank God, I believe He is coming soon! The earth is groaning even and ready for His Renewal. I am ready too.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, GriefShare, life stories, parietal foriminas, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
23 Nov 2009
1 Comment

I Am So Thankful

I spent the morning catching up on my sleep after my interesting stay at the hospital. After checking further, the pharmacist should have known that morphine and dilaudid were related and that I would be in danger of an allergic reaction!! I will be much more careful in the future before taking new drugs!

We are having Thanksgiving here-for probably the last time-as we do hope to sell the house and go smaller next year. I spent the afternoon setting my table-ironing the linens, polishing silver, placing the china, silver and crystal. I used a large metal “horn” that I have and placed all colors and sizes of gourds in it for my centerpiece. For candles,  I got out tiny little turkey candle holders for slim tall tapers. My table is white, red and gold (yellow) and so pretty!

Dennis finished the girls’ special Christmas presents and then helped me by doing the final grocery shopping for things we didn’t/couldn’t get yesterday. And then, he cleaned my ovens!! I have never heard of a husband that would clean an oven-but there he was scrubbing away so that I would not hurt my hands any further! What a wonderful, special man I am married to! I know that Jesus is taking note of all Dennis does for me-he has to have the most wonderful for jewels for his crown in heaven! All I could do was stand there and cry and thank God for him.

This certainly is not all that Dennis does for us, for our home.  He completely takes care of the laundry,  nine times out of ten, he cooks and cleans up! When I cook,  he cleans up. He takes care of our home both inside and out-whatever he can do to free me to work or to rest-whatever I need at the time.  He also chauffeurs me around,  as much of the time lately,  I can’t drive.  He takes our puppy Max and a book and they wait for me to finish a meeting or an appointment.

This week as a lot of my family comes to join us-I look back over the last year and all that has transpired. I see so much more good than bad-regardless of the financial struggles-the day by day dependence and growing relationship with my Heavenly Father has taken precedence over everything else I think about or do.  In every situation, I find myself thinking “what’s the lesson here?” or “what is God doing ?” or “who am I to share all this with?”  My continuing Bible study with BSF and how what I learn intertwines with my GriefShare Ministry as well as daily devotionals that I read or are sent to me,  continue to amaze me as I know that is my Father speaking directly to me and my circumstances.

So, regardless of what I am dealing with physically, or financially–I feel tremendously thankful and blessed- I truly have everything that gives one joy and peace.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, rheumatoid arthritis, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
13 Nov 2009

Surprise! My Doctor’s Appointment Today!

I am again blessed! I was able to get in and see the new neurosurgeon today! He was very knowledgeable and even though this is a rare condition, is his specialty. He was very thorough in his examination and in looking over my existing MRI. He talked us through best and worse case scenarios and showed us what he saw on the scans. Then he ordered a CT Scan as well. We plan to do the angiogram on the 20th and surgery on the 23rd. Best of all possibilities is that they can fix everything through arteries-not invading my scalp or skull! Worst case, they fix it both ways. But the main thing is, that he can fix it! Now I just have to get through the week, working and operating as normally as possible!

Tonight was the next to last night for our 13 weeks of GriefShare Ministry until we start again in January. How wonderful it was to watch as people who had been coming all along shared and helped the newer ones! To see the blossoming of faith, the coming along in the process of grief for people where they are now vs 12 weeks ago is truly amazing and could only be a God thing! Saturday we will have a “Surviving the Holidays” seminar from 10-12pm. A lot of the “regulars” are bringing family members and we have many who couldn’t attend regularly but are coming just for this one time. I pray that God will richly bless this time and heal broken hearts, frozen hearts, mad hearts that will all be there.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
11 Nov 2009

A New Doctor!

After listening to counseling from family and friends, we did pray that God would lead us to a doctor who is a specialist in DAVF. My wonderful administrator Carol found him for me doing research. He is with the Neuro Group at USF Medical-which takes my insurance! He can see me next Thurs, the 19th, do the angiogram and surgery all very quickly! St. Joseph’s where we were yesterday can’t even do the angiogram till December!

I realize this isn’t an emergency like an aneurysm. But I can tell you it is very difficult to work, drive-anything with all the side effects of this! So I am really thankful-wish it was this week, but I can’t have everything!

I have been amazed at the outpouring of prayers, loving words and scriptures sent to me from my GriefShare leaders all over the country along with friends, family and new friends who have found out about the tumor! How blessed I feel!  Thank you for all you who have written!

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

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