CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

Archive for the tag “childhood stories”

08 Dec 2011
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“I Know Exactly How You Feel!”

My favorite phrase these days, my validation for who I am and why I am living! But this is what God showed me last night and this morning: in Hebrews 4,  Jesus is the Great High Priest. And even though he has been through the heavens, Jesus is our high priest who can symphatize with our weaknesses-our every sin-because he was tempted as well-yet without sin. He also knows what it is to be cold, be hungry, be thirsty–whatever we are except without sin.

So when I am going through some trial physical or spiritual, Jesus can say to me.  “Oh Cindy, I know exactly how you feel! These are normal feelings, those are not-this is what the Father says about the trouble…” And then He proceeds to give me the comfort that I turn around and give to others, which is all II Corinthians 1:4. Isn’t that just the neatest thing?  Because I understood about His comfort. He has given me so much of it over the years. I don’t think I would have made it without it. But I had never seen Him as the Person going through everything that I was…yet he was.

I guess what I want to convey in this posting is the unlimited, overwhelming, incredible love that Jesus has for his own  that He would do this.  Over and over He’s told me how He love’s me and how  I need to trust him more-much more! And  of course I do trust Him and remind Him I have at least faith the size of a mustard seed! But how I want to grow it and mature myself  in Him. And of course, that means more prayer and Bible study! Thank you Jesus that you answered my heartfelt cry to make me want to study your word, to make me want to spend time with you. Now I have to work it out  to do my other required tasks because I would rather be here with you. Thank you.  On August 5, 2005 I prayed this prayer from Psalm 40:7-8  Then I said, “Here I am, I have come– it is written about in the scroll. I desire to do your will , O my God; your law is within my heart. A few days later,  I was in the hospital getting a cervical fusion and had a stroke. God used that time with me to teach me love and patience and gentleness-but it took this last year to learn to truly trust Him. I have written about some of these experiences-my hospitalization, losing my voice, getting a puppy to get me out of bed; but I just realized that I haven’t written about learning to trust Him.  Maybe He is not ready for me to write of it yet-because He directs my writing, maybe I don’t really trust Him enough yet. I think I do, but the Father knows all things and can certainly see my heart. Well, I am certain of one thing, eventually you will hear that story as well.

Posted in 4 spritual laws, cervical fusions, christian, chronic pain, Prayer, second marriages, single mom, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
27 Nov 2011

A Most Wonderful Thanksgiving– Matthew 5:23-24

If you are familiar with the passage, you are already saying, “A Most Wonderful Thanksgiving?”  The passage reads as follows “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

I have 5 brothers and sisters. We are ALL very strong willed and opinionated people. When we get together, I am sure that at first it is very daunting for the new spouses, because we interrupt, we talk over one another, we loudly disagree–actually there isn’t much disagreement anymore, but there used to be a lot! I am sure, again because I’ve heard it said, that we come across as very confident, gregarious, and so on. BUT, let me tell you what is true. Underneath those strong willed people are people who have been hurt, mistreated, abused, lied to in some shape or fashion by those we loved and trusted at some point in our lives. I am not just talking about ex-spouses, (some of us have them) or lovers, or friends, but family members, each other, me.

Yes, me. I too have been guilty of assuming, controlling (I called it mothering, but they didn’t), hurting by neglect-just not taking the time for those most important people in my life.  I have had to almost lose my life to learn how very important they are to me–all of them. But you know the best thing about having Holy God for your Father? It is never too late to change! Or rather be changed. Just voicing the desire is enough, He gets right to work. He’s been waiting for me to notice, I’m sure. 

For the last 6 years now, He has been healing relationships that I can really track. This last week seemed to be the culmination of that, bring us together for the holiday several times, different ways with different people. God allowing me to really listen and make right a relationship that I had made all the wrong assumptions about years ago! What a wasted time. But I have already prayed that He will restore the years that the locusts ate here too. I am excited and so looking forward to having new “real” relationships-not relationships just based on kinship. How neat it was on the last day  that we’d all be together, that nobody was ready to quit hanging together yet, so we just traded one venue for another! And of course it’s great that it’s not just happening to me and my relationships but to the others too.

You may be asking how exactly that passage in Matthew fits here. All I can say is that for several years, whenever I took communion, and this passage was read, it made me think of family-my family-t he need to be reconciled one to another, to forgive petty grievances, or large for that matter. I did take this as a command when Jesus says, “First go…” I promise it is much easier to obey than to suffer the consequences. And the final result when you are obedient is spectacular! 

Older and wiser you may say—and you’d be right. But this is so much more than that though. This is God at His Finest Work-healing relationships. This has been brought about by much prayer, first started by my parents who are now with the Lord and then continued by my sister and me because we too thought it was so important. Isn’t God Great?

Posted in A Thanksgiving Story, Christianity, divorce, miscarriage and tagged , , , | Leave a Comment
19 Nov 2011
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My Eulogy at My Dad’s Funeral

I  am Cindy, Dad’s first born child. I was also the first Hungerford girl in many generations. I guess as the first born, I had a special connection with Dad. He was my first love and god all rolled up into one for me from my first memories.

I believed everything he said and tried — until my teens anyway — to do everything he wanted me to. In first grade, I told my teacher that my dad said the moon was made of green cheese. She said absolutely not! But I argued with her and got sent to the principal’s office. I explained that my dad said it—so it was true! Poor Daddy, he had to go down to the principal’s office and explain and apologize!

When Dad died, I had all these flashbacks of him and me. At six, my first Christmas I remember the handmade doll furniture for my doll. My first bike and teaching me to ride without training wheels. A Halloween parade where he made me the most a awesome tail that curled and pitchfork for my devil costume—this was before we knew any better!

When I broke my arm playing Tarzan and Jane and he ran all the red lights to get me to the hospital. The weekend trips aroundTexas, to San Jacinto Memorial, to New Braunsfels where I rode my first horse.

Of course in my teens things changed a lot! I wanted to be a part of the crowd. Dad didn’t want me out there at all. I seemed to get grounded all the time. When I was 15, I was grounded and had to ask him to please let me go with my boyfriend to his prom-he relented and let me go. When I was 16 and had my birthday party at home and the kids started dancing—he shut it down. I was mad at him for a long time. I didn’t care that our church preached against dancing and he was a deacon—and needed to adhere to the church’s doctrines. But that was Dad-at that point in his life he was still about works and earning his salvation.

Life with my dad was not easy as a teen, but after I married my Dennis at 29, I seemed to finally grow up and when we moved toTampa in 1984, I purposed to have a closer relationship with both my parents. This led to much visiting and really getting to know my father as a person. For the first time, I heard about his early life and his war years. I finally understood why he was the way he was—military straight, absolutes because of his nuclear physics education and lack of love in his home growing up. When he stood here and told ya’ll a month ago that my mom was the first person to love him unconditionally-he was being truthful.  I am glad that I had come to love him unconditionally long ago.

After mom’s funeral last month, he came to stay with Dennis and me for three weeks.

It was a precious time I am so thankful for now. We talked about his salvation experience and his great regrets in his life. How very much he loved his children, but couldn’t express it. How proud he was of everyone for their teaching their own children about Jesus. That we, his children were believers. That was his greatest legacy.

I was sent a card by one of my staff at work.

It said  “Remember that your father left the world a legacy in the good and caring person that you have grown to be. And in this time of sadness may it help to comfort you to know that he is still a part of all you are and do.

 

I found this today searching through my files for another lost file. The 3rd anniversary of Dad’s  death is coming up soon. December 14th. Mom had died 5 weeks previously on Nov 5. You know, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss them both so much! They prayed for me, supported me unconditionally, loved me and my associate was right, they taught me about Jesus.  I”m sure they nor I had any idea how much a person could change–as I have, but I hope that Jesus has told them. And I know my Mom is happy that I finally “get it” that Bible study is the most important thing you can do-along with praying-if you want to know, really know Our Great God, Our Father, Our Creator, Our Savior who hides us in the cleft of the rock, covers us with His feathers, holds us in the palm of His hand and will never, ever let us go.

Posted in 4 spritual laws, Bible study, Christianity, eulogy for dad, GriefShare and tagged , , , , ,
11 Nov 2011

Answered Prayers

Deuteronomy 4:7 (Moses is speaking) What other nation is so great as to have their gods near  them the way the Lord our God is near us when we pray to him. (At that time, the Lord traveled in a cloud by day and a fire at night above the Israelites. Kept them cool, kept them warm, and protected them)

IPeter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer…

 I had to talk about answered prayer tonight, because this week I say the Father answered my prayers-not all of them yet-but biggies with deadlines. When the others come to their deadlines, I am confident that He will have answered them.

I have a brother in law with a particularly slow growing leukemia-only last month it had taken off and the doctor was suddenly talking chemo. We prayed for the Lord’s will in this and He chose to stop it in it’s tracks! The blood looked good.                         

Then one of my sisters called and asked me to pray especially for her today because she had a big presentation that meant a huge sale for her company and a good commission for her. I prayed that she would have a clear mind, and clear speech, that the presentation would be all that she wanted it to be and that God would grace her with success. She called at 5 today to say it had gone so well and she had used one of my closing  questions to close.

Then another sister called. We had prayed long and hard about her mind accepting the math of real estate and the laws and ethics of real estate because she is taking the course right now and really needs to pass it. And as of Tuesday, she was batting zero. That’s why we prayed. I know that God listens and I know that He looks at our hearts as we are praying-He knows our motives. She is doing this to help support her family, what better, higher motive? And so as we went to His throne with confidence-the confidence that Christ gives us, we worshipped our Lord first as He deserves. He is our Creator, the maker of all things. Psalms 148 says “Let everything praise the Lord”–that includes inanimate objects, it includes everything He has made because ALL things, believe it or not make sound in some way and that sound is praise back to Him. So if objects can and do praise Him, then we are able to communicate in so many ways can do no less-everytime we think about it! We should praise Him, but I digress. I was talking about prayer. So after we worshipped our Lord and thanked Him for our every blessing, then we began to petition Him for brain power, for clear thinking and reasoning, for whatever it would take to pass the next 2 tests. So of course, when she called tonight to tell me that she had passed the first one, all I could do was say “thank you Lord, You are so good, Lord, Praise the Lord”. It was awesome! And we got praise reports on things we had been praying for in our Bible study group today, so I was pretty hyped when I went to my GriefShare group tonight.

I can’t really talk about what happens in group except to say the breakthroughs are happening. I see God answering my prayers for these suffering people and tonight was asked why did I know the answers in the Bible like I do?-it comes from studying His Word, I told them. It’s not like Sunday School-until you’ve done it, it’s hard to explain to another exactly what happens to you when you give yourself to study–but I know it changes you, you see more of what God needs to change in you–what you want God to change in you. For me, it’s the most important thing I do all week-because it is my time alone with God and believe me, He makes good use of it! Secondly, it’s Sunday church. I love it for the worship and the teaching. A lot of the time it confirms again in my heart and spirit what God has just taught me, so I know it’s not just me making that up!

For those of you reading this, if you aren’t in a Bible study but really want to know the Lord better–this is the way! and besides, imagine meeting all of the writers in heaven some day and you’ve never read their book!

Posted in 4 spritual laws, Bible study, christian, Christianity, GriefShare, life stories, Prayer, Religion and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
04 Apr 2010

Holy Easter Week

I am sure that you have heard it said that “God is in the details”. This has been so true of my last 2 weeks. Remember that in my Bible study group we have been studying the  Gospel of John? It is truly amazing, but we have come down to the  in our study just this week. Last week, we studied John 17 -which I thought I knew and thought I had studied, but no, this time it was so rich and deep! I learned that I am the Lord’s most precious, treasured possession! That He prayed for me and my safety and care from the evil one, even then! That even now, He stands interceeding for me, calling on angels to protect me, arranging each need, each person, each very thread that touches my life–WHEATHER I AM PRAYING AND ASKING FOR ANYTHING OR NOT! He knows exactly what I need before I even know that I need it!

Jesus cherishes believers as the greatest proof of His Father’s love to Him, even as the Holy Spirit teaches believers to value the gift of Christ Jesus as the greatest proof of their Heavenly Father’s love to them. This really shows the VALUE of the believer in His sight, His keeping (caring ) power and future inheritance in and with Jesus.

Just one more point: Jesus gives gifts to his Own–Eternal life, God’s revelation, His words, His joy, Separation from the world, Commission to the world, Sanctification, His glory and His love. What more could anyone want?

If you are reading this and have never asked Jesus to come live in heart, that you are sorry for your sins (imperfect), and accept his sacrifice for you–PLEASE DON’T WAIT ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MINUTE!  I promise this is the most important decision you will ever make and the most joyous and rewarding one! Start your new life this Easter!!

Posted in Bible study, christian and tagged , , , | Leave a Comment
20 Mar 2010

Relief! Finally!

What a week! So busy with work-yeah! I do love what I do! Helping people find a new “best job”. Helping the client find someone who so “fits in”. I believe it’s a gift that God has given me! All along, I am often able to share Jesus’ story, because it is so much a part of me and what I do!

So this week on Wednesday, I had another nerve block for the occipital neuralgia. This time, I was given different drugs and it was so much better. Even the night time was better-which had so far been the worst time. It also has worked so far!! Very little headache, no dizziness. On Thursday, I went to the gastroenterologist for my biopsy results. Thank God, we had decided to check out the nausea, vomiting, and burning I had been having. This  was NOT related to my head! It seems that I had polyps in my throat and stomach. The biopsy said that I have ulcerated, inflamed tissue. Thank God, no cancer. Still, I will have to be checked once a year from now on.  Truly between the great nerve block and good biopsy, I have just been giddy with thanksgiving! Hopefully the worst is over now!!

So in looking back over the last six months, I can see how even with “rare”, physical issues, the hand of God was on my life. He had a neurosurgeon “standing by” with my first surgery. He gave me a wonderful scalp/skull surgeon for the 2nd surgery so that my head is not deformed after all the biopsies taken, He has given me new friends to call on, sympathize with, understand with. And finally, allowed me to see His love  through my Pastors and church family. He has shown me again His love and care even in providing my successful work, so that the bills can be paid. God is Great!!

Posted in brain tumor, cervical fusions, christian, dural arteriovenous fistulas, gastrointestinal reflux disease, life stories, occipital neuropathy, parietal foriminas, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
22 Nov 2009

Wrong Diagnosis!!

I had my brain angiogram yesterday. To the great surprise of my nuero doc, I do not have any fistulae, no arteriovenous malformations! I do have an inordinate number of blood vessels all over my scalp, but no tumor in the brain, no aneurysm. This is all great news!

The only bad news is that I still have a tremendous headache; I still have fluid in 3 pockets on my head; still have the nausea and dizziness–and NO ANSWERS!

I have to admit that at first, I cried. It is very frustrating to know that something is wrong with you, but hard to diagnose! I was very happy that it wasn’t as horrible a diagnosis as they thought, but all I was dealing with yesterday was an excruciating headache. After taking Vicodin, to no avail, they gave me Dilaulid as I am allergic to Morphine. Unfortunately, we very quickly found out that I am also severely allergic to the Dilaulid-it started with severe itching and then my asthma kicked in and very soon I was coughing and wheezing and not getting my breath. Thank goodness for one of the nurses who is also asthmatic-she got me the right meds pretty quickly, but I still had to stay overnight in the hospital. It was 3 in the morning before I was really able to settle down and sleep.

Needless to say, I scared my neuro doc to death! He is not used to dealing with asthma or any side effects from meds. I told him I am a walking “Murphey’s Law” when we first met. I think he believes it now!  The next step is a confab between him and all the nuero docs at USF. He will present my tests, scans, notes and his findings on Tuesday to them and hopefully someone will have an idea of what I have or what to do next!

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic pain, Ezinearticles.com, life stories, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
11 Nov 2009

A New Doctor!

After listening to counseling from family and friends, we did pray that God would lead us to a doctor who is a specialist in DAVF. My wonderful administrator Carol found him for me doing research. He is with the Neuro Group at USF Medical-which takes my insurance! He can see me next Thurs, the 19th, do the angiogram and surgery all very quickly! St. Joseph’s where we were yesterday can’t even do the angiogram till December!

I realize this isn’t an emergency like an aneurysm. But I can tell you it is very difficult to work, drive-anything with all the side effects of this! So I am really thankful-wish it was this week, but I can’t have everything!

I have been amazed at the outpouring of prayers, loving words and scriptures sent to me from my GriefShare leaders all over the country along with friends, family and new friends who have found out about the tumor! How blessed I feel!  Thank you for all you who have written!

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
10 Nov 2009

New Diagnosis-Dural Arteriovenous Fistalas

Well, I have to say first,that I was very surprised today! I really expected the radiologist to just inject some cortisone and I was making too much of all this. Turned out I was wrong. Turned out I have two holes in my head! Both of them have arteries and veins and dura(brain covering material) coming out of the holes. They are both apparently tied into major arteries or a major artery in my brain. This is what is causing my vomiting, headaches and dizziness and even the ringing in my ears that I thought was my ears being infected! Amazingly, it is genetic and probably the lesions(tumors) have been growing 35 years or more!

Our next step is a  cerebral angiography . This is where they thread a catheter through the groin up to your neck and then insert dye to look at all the veins and arteries. We hope to do this next week. Then with the right information, the surgeon and the radiologist can decide exactly how and where to operate.

I have checked the internet for who does these very rare surgeries. I have found Mayo Clinic-which of course has saved my life before! and Mt Sinai in NY. Tomorrow I will call and speak with people at both places and see what kind of opinions they have.

So of course, the first question everyone in my family or at work has asked me is how I feel about this? Isn’t this just a little too much? Why in the world would God allow me to suffer again, more? My only answer is that He knows exactly what He is doing. I can’t begin to understand what other people with brain tumors or issues have unless I have been through this suffering myself. Already there are 5 people who have reached out to me that want to talk! I will get to share Jesus with everyone! Isn’t their eternity more important than my physical suffering? Isn’t this what Paul spoke of so often? I know he addresses this in II Corinthians 1:3-11.  Read it for yourself. Tell me what YOU think!

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, GriefShare, life stories, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
09 Nov 2009

God is Creative, Therefore We Are!

Our message today was first that God is an Artist… as we are made in the image of the creative God, each of us is creative! Even if you think on of the left side of your brain! It can be expressed in so many ways besides painting or music or design-it can be problem solving, parenting, leadership, scientific research-anything! Gen 1:26 “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…the word there means like an ICON. Our ICONS on the computer point to different master program. So the thought is–Am I an ICON that represents God when people “click” on me?

The next important point was that God the Son-Jesus_ is the expression, the medium of God. He is the image of the invisible God. When you look at Him, you see God. He is the ICON that points to the Father.

In Gen 1:7-8 “God breathed life into man’s nostrils and he became a living being”. As a believer, I am embued with the Holy Spirit-he lives within me because I asked Him to. So the inspiration is that the next time I have a problem, I take a deep breath. I breath in His thoughts-often the answer to my problem or issue.

I wonder if I am stamped with the image of God? Do people look at me and see Him? What picture do I present with the way I live? Am I Salt and Light?

Pretty deep  thougths, but so important! Life changing for anyone who reaches out to have it.

Posted in christian, chronic pain, Creativity, GriefShare, life stories, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

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