CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

Archive for the tag “benign head tumor”

19 Mar 2011
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God has spoken to me and I’m not kidding

Anyone who has read my blog of the last year and a half knows of my journey. So please bear with me while I recount the last 2 wks. Two weeks ago, our pastor gave a sermon on stories and used my life verse, ll Cor 1:4 as the text.  The jist of it was that really our life is not about getting there–the destination, it is about the journey. It’s about our experiences, our sphere of people we interact with (whether we want to or not), just everything that touches us. The Bible says that EVERYTHING that comes to us is filtered through His fingers. So for all my life I have asked, Why did you give my this body Lord?  Why did I have to have this happen to me? Why can I not stay well? Why do I have to live with constant pain, Why, Why, Why? So how could my loving, gracious all powerful holy Father let this all happen to me? First I believe you really have to go to the Word of God for answers, for comfort, for knowledge, even for help in my believing, but unbelief too. This isn’t something that you get from self help books or even counselors–this is between you and holy God. So as I was studying in Isaiah in my weekly lesson, in one chapter it kept saying “in the womb I formed you” over and over and at first I grumbled but then I remembered in Psalms where God said He knit my innermost parts together and in Jeremiah He says that he has a plan to care for and prosper me. Then I went back to my life verse and as I began to read it, God began to tell me why. I never expected an answer!  Afterall, He is God of all and doesn’t have to explain anything he does. But this is what he told me.

Cindy, I love you. I have loved forever and will always love you. Nothing will separate you from my love. My child your life has been a series of stories, sometimes miracles that I have done, so that whenever you meet someone  there will almost be instant rapport because you and  that person or their loved one has gone through  the same physical trial you have and you know exactly how they feel and so can offer comfort. Physical issues and pain bring people together along with other things you’ve experienced. I know that you have been going through the trial of affliction and that you have had to come through a lot of losses in the past 3 years but my child, now you are truly dependant on me. My child, you must trust me for my promises. and then He said it again, Trust me.

So now I wait for Him to act on those promises. But I will never again complain about my body-all I will do is look about in anticipation of who the Lord is going to bring to me to share and comfort with!

Posted in 4 spritual laws, aspergillus fungus, asthma, bankruptcy, Bible study, brain tumor, breast cancer, breast reduction, cervical fusions, christian, chronic fatigue, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
24 Aug 2010

Summer 2010 Has Flown…

I can’t believe that fall is soon here. We start a new GriefShare Group this Thursday. For those of you who follow, please be in prayer for those who will be coming!

I spent a lot of last week, preparing for a presentation to an organization called “Ladies in the Biz”.  This is a group of ladies involved in all areas of commercial retail real estate. They had a big “to do” last night and I had the privilege of speaking to them about Human Resource issues ( I am a recruiter). I loved being back out among my clients and potential clients trading cards-it was like I had come out of hibernation. I guess it really was hibernation, because except for a meeting  at night 2 weeks ago, I haven’t done anything except work, eat, sleep, GriefShare, and church for a year since I had the tumors on my head. (see previous posts).  The success of that meeting has spurred me to plan speaking engagements with other groups within my specialty practice. I’m excited!

The Lord continues to be gracious with my work and collections. I am so learning not to do a thing for a search until I pray. Still, the Lord gives and He takes away. Other things in daily life continue to be hard:  expensive appliances breaking, one more thing to worry about health wise, my husband’s job-he sells too and isn’t! But I know who controls the universe and He’s my Father. I bow to Him and what He sends my way as I know He is refining me.

Posted in christian, chronic pain, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
02 May 2010

These Last Nine Months

I noticed today that my love of cooking and planning a good dinner has come back to me! I’ve shared some recipes previously.  This is amazing because up until the last 3 or 4 weeks, my husband has been planning, cooking and serving us. Not that this was a bad thing, but he has his basic things he can fix- I like a lot of variety with a lot of fresh vegetables. As I have said before, we eat mostly fish and some chicken and occasionally some beef. Every now and then, I”ve just got to have a cheeseburger and no one does them better than Dennis! Even Chili’s can’t beat him and they are good! Besides hamburgers, he still needs the occasional pot roast, or smothered steak with peppers and onions. But he has been really good to accept all the fish and seafood we’ve been having. I’m lucky he likes it as much as I do.

I’ve also started back at keeping my house. Cleaning up as I see a room that needs it, I feel like I have been rejuvenated or re-born. This afternoon, I worked at cleaning up my office. Now I think that a clean desk is the sign of a sick mind, so you know it really needed attention, but it was good to put some things away and reorganize others. I am back working full time now and enjoying it more than ever! That is really something considering I ‘ve been doing this since 1979!

God is so good though to keep my business bright and fresh. I never know who I’ll speak with that day or where they will be located. It is amazing that by praying over my work, I literally watch God bring the right people to me out of the hundreds I might have spoken with! Some are just so perfect that I could never have arranged  all of the circumstances, the backgrounds of firm and candidate and ultimately their joined goals like God can! I wonder how I ever did this without praying over my work before I started a search. He certainly blessed me in spite of me!

So what happens next? I know I am not completely headache free. That probably means more nerve blocks in my future, but at least they are working for longer periods now. I know I have cataracts to get taken care of, but God willing nothing else major!

Posted in christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, Creativity, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment
20 Mar 2010

Relief! Finally!

What a week! So busy with work-yeah! I do love what I do! Helping people find a new “best job”. Helping the client find someone who so “fits in”. I believe it’s a gift that God has given me! All along, I am often able to share Jesus’ story, because it is so much a part of me and what I do!

So this week on Wednesday, I had another nerve block for the occipital neuralgia. This time, I was given different drugs and it was so much better. Even the night time was better-which had so far been the worst time. It also has worked so far!! Very little headache, no dizziness. On Thursday, I went to the gastroenterologist for my biopsy results. Thank God, we had decided to check out the nausea, vomiting, and burning I had been having. This  was NOT related to my head! It seems that I had polyps in my throat and stomach. The biopsy said that I have ulcerated, inflamed tissue. Thank God, no cancer. Still, I will have to be checked once a year from now on.  Truly between the great nerve block and good biopsy, I have just been giddy with thanksgiving! Hopefully the worst is over now!!

So in looking back over the last six months, I can see how even with “rare”, physical issues, the hand of God was on my life. He had a neurosurgeon “standing by” with my first surgery. He gave me a wonderful scalp/skull surgeon for the 2nd surgery so that my head is not deformed after all the biopsies taken, He has given me new friends to call on, sympathize with, understand with. And finally, allowed me to see His love  through my Pastors and church family. He has shown me again His love and care even in providing my successful work, so that the bills can be paid. God is Great!!

Posted in brain tumor, cervical fusions, christian, dural arteriovenous fistulas, gastrointestinal reflux disease, life stories, occipital neuropathy, parietal foriminas, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
06 Mar 2010

And One More Thing!

Just when I thought I might be getting better–I’m not.  The last two days, I have worked-had full days as a matter of fact, but the headache is once again getting worse. I am back to 2 percocet at a time again and I am having breakthrough nausea even with the compezine. 

I went to the gastroenterologist this morning after a week of worsening heart burn. It has gotten down to where much of what I eat and drink burns me. The thought is that six months of daily vomiting could have damaged my existing hiatal hernia further or started an ulcer. I am scheduled for an endoscopy next week to see. In the meantime, I am taking another drug-this one for Reflux.

My asthma is better and I am tapering down my steroid dosage. Still, looking at my round face, I can tell the side effects! In three weeks, I’ll take the “gold standard for diabetes testing” so they can tell me I have diabetes! I mean it, have you every heard of anyone that had so much wrong with their body? I honestly don’t know if I am just wearing out my parts or if maybe something something so systemic-like diabetes-or my asthma-is the culprit! I guess I will be finding out!

All these feelings after such a precious time Wednesday night with my pastors! I did hope for an instant miracle, but I can see that this is not to be, at least for right now. Still as I re-read the devotional sent to me last year and which I saved, I continue to be reminded that God is not punishing me. I do believe He is using all this to prune me, but also to touch those others that come into my sphere who are also sufferning. Every day there is just one someone who needs to hear Jesus’ story and how it’s impacted my life and can impact them as well.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, diabetes, life stories, parietal foriminas, Suffering loss, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
04 Mar 2010

Anointing and Prayer

I guess it’s a terrible thing when we seem to go to God last for healing. I know I have certainly exhausted the circle of doctors, medical centers and the internet for help, treatment and information. I have prayed all along as have so many others been praying for me too, that I know we weren’t ignoring God or His Great Physician role, but I wasn’t exactly embracing it either.
So, today we got serious and with my pastors around me, they prayed specifically for my healing while anointing me with oil as it says to do in James 5:13-15 “Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master (Jesus Christ). Believing prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you’ve sinned, you’ll be forgiven-healed inside and out.” [The Message version]

We talked of how Jesus has used my infirmities of which there are so many-to connect with others suffering the same thing. I had just been praying to be stronger, thinking I could do more if I were stronger, but Pastor Craig pointed out that when I am weak, Jesus is strong! How could I ever forget that? Yet that wasn’t my focus-yes it was on me and how I felt. I am very tired of pain and nausea and very tired of being so tired! Sometimes I have to sleep most of a day just to keep up! I have certainly wondered to what purpose that was! However, I must acknowledge that when I have to take the time to sleep, God always seems to make up the time for me. Even today, working out of bed on my laptop and cell phone, I accomplished more than some days when I am in my office all day on the phone. So yes, I am blessed and humbled by His care for me even in the details.

I do know that God heals miraculously. He has healed me before as that was to His purpose. I hope it is again.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, Creativity, life stories, rheumatoid arthritis, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
01 Mar 2010

SUNDAY, February 28, 2010

Hard to believe that February has come and gone without me writing a note! But it also shows that I have been really busy, trying to work, and when I wasn’t working, I was flat out! Praise God that I HAVE work to do!

I have to admit I haven’t been too good at the 2 hours up and 2 hours down thing. I get on a roll with my calls and I look up and 4 hours have passed and I am dying! Well, not literally, of course, but extreme fatigue and slowly but surely diminishing pain…at least that was true until last week, when things seem to be accelerating again! I still hurt a lot on the right side and it is smushy to the side of where they opened me up in December. Well, I do see the neuro Dr this week, I think. I know I can’t live on pills for the rest of my life! I did see where one doctor had referred to my problem as parietal foraminas. Wonder if that is a diagnosis?

But there have been really nice things happening. I am seeing people and continuing to share my faith and my life with those to whom I come in contact. Sometimes, I think I am continuing to suffer for the story God has given me. I love the people I am meeting and connecting with–sometimes it is a new family connection–my very wise sister-in-law for instance has had some major insight for me. Or my new friend, breast cancer buddy Alicia who calls me every 2 weeks. We only met for a few minutes in the doctor’s office, but she reached out to me for comfort and some insight as one who has been there. I plan to be there for her surgery this month. A new believer after our 2nd conversation, I only can praise the Lord God for His precious mercy and grace in allowing me to be a part of opening her eyes to Jesus!

I am also able to drive again. Yes, thank you Jesus-that is another “better”. Our GriefShare ministry has started up again. My precious husband has been driving me, but that will stop as again, thank you Jesus, he has a new job he is starting tomorrow!!!

God is so good. Just when you think you can’t go on anymore in your own strength, He calmly takes over and does more and better than you ever could! A wonderful lesson at church today from Colossians showed how very far I have yet to go. My BSF study in I John confirmed it for me this afternoon if I had any doubt!

Thank God, I believe He is coming soon! The earth is groaning even and ready for His Renewal. I am ready too.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, GriefShare, life stories, parietal foriminas, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
24 Jan 2010
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More and More, Better and Better

We came right back from Christmas in Atlanta to pre-op and  then surgery on the second hole in my head. They opened up my scalp and followed the spinal fluid leak, along with looking for other holes. Once again, cutting off all that was growing out of the hole, then sewing my head back up. Believe it or not, I went home that evening-way too soon for me! I woke up at midnight feeling like my head was going to explode-pretty horrible pain. Putting ice on my head and taking the painkillers got me through the night, but just barely. And so began, my first week of the new year. Taking so much Vicodin (yes, prescribed dosage), my pharmacist said I had to switch to something else or I’d be in liver failure in 2 wks. So then there was the percoset which did a better job and I thought I was getting better. But oh no, here comes the headache again, only made worse by bending over or coughing, vomiting-the pressure was once again excruitiating! This time, the surgeons turned me back over to the neurologist. They said they had fixed what obviously needed to be fixed and had no ideas of where to go from here.

After speaking with the neurologist at length, a spinal tap was scheduled. I thought, “surely, this will resolve all my problems. I’ve just got too much pressure now after not enough pressure before”. Maybe true, maybe not, but unfortunately for me, the spinal tap showed abnormal fluid and being one of those 5% of the population that the tap hole doesn’t close, I developed a headache that became truly unbearable along with a case of atypical menningitis. I was a sick puppy and went back into the hospital this last week. Demerol every 3 hours around the clock was a wonderful release from so much pain for so long! After the 2nd tap and then blood patch, that headache was gone, the antibiotics had cleared up the menningitis, but the original headache was back-not beginning to be as bad as it had been, but the longer I am up, the worse it gets.

So after 4 days in the hospital, I came home and then we saw the neurologist again on Friday. He believes that I have to very slowly adjust to being up, take the pain meds, but on a reduced basis and eventually my head will settle down. It HAS had a lot done to it in a short amount of time! And the kind of surgery I’ve had could mess with the spinal fluid, so for now, I am trying very hard to take his advice. Just be up 2 hours at a time and then down for two. Hopefully, he is right. Worst case, we’ll know pretty quickly if he is wrong…

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, life stories, menningitis, occipital neuropathy, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , ,
06 Dec 2009

I Keep Dodging Bullets!

Thanksgiving was good but interesting. Some of my family was here and that was wonderful. Personally however, I continued to go downhill. Several times, I thought we would go to the ER, but then things would settle down and I would put it off. I guess the good thing was I didn’t gain that 5 lbs that a lot of people do.

On Monday, we visited my doctor, who insisted that I go right to the ER. I was admitted and they began all their tests. I think they first wanted to rule out a stroke or TIA, but I knew it was simply my head again. It took all of Tuesday for the doctors to confab again. It turns out that my first angiogram-done at another hospital-completely missed the area of the original tumor from where my pain was originating. So, they did another one Wednesday and I was diagnosed with occipital neuropathy. Of course my internet research savvy kids said this was exactly all my symptoms! It even described my pain better than I did. (I had used screwdrivers digging in my head as a description.) The temporary solution to this is nerve blocks into the occipital nerves-both of mine since both sides of my head are inflamed. The permanent approach is to cut the nerves or to strip them down. I don’t know which will be best for me and hope to find out next week. I’d like to get all this done before Christmas! I really want to go to Atlanta for Christmas with my family!

So what am I learning through all this? I tell you one thing-I had such a hard time with this pain, yet I kept thinking about Christ’s suffering and knew it was so much worse…I couldn’t imagine as I could hardly stand it sometimes. I know I will be able to better understand others’ pain as I know without a doubt that God will bring those people into my sphere in the near future.  

I am also even more appreciative than ever of my sweet husband. He was with me through think and then every day. I also am aware of answered prayer! I know this diagnosis could have been so much worse, but I believe that with people praying on my behalf, God has answered in a way that is not nothing at all, but at least is fixable. Without praying people, I might be dead today. I am so aware of those prayers! And so very, very thankful.

So, I’ll be back to play another day! Blessings!

Posted in brain tumor, cervical fusions, christian, chronic pain, life stories, occipital neuropathy, surviving major health issues, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
23 Nov 2009
1 Comment

I Am So Thankful

I spent the morning catching up on my sleep after my interesting stay at the hospital. After checking further, the pharmacist should have known that morphine and dilaudid were related and that I would be in danger of an allergic reaction!! I will be much more careful in the future before taking new drugs!

We are having Thanksgiving here-for probably the last time-as we do hope to sell the house and go smaller next year. I spent the afternoon setting my table-ironing the linens, polishing silver, placing the china, silver and crystal. I used a large metal “horn” that I have and placed all colors and sizes of gourds in it for my centerpiece. For candles,  I got out tiny little turkey candle holders for slim tall tapers. My table is white, red and gold (yellow) and so pretty!

Dennis finished the girls’ special Christmas presents and then helped me by doing the final grocery shopping for things we didn’t/couldn’t get yesterday. And then, he cleaned my ovens!! I have never heard of a husband that would clean an oven-but there he was scrubbing away so that I would not hurt my hands any further! What a wonderful, special man I am married to! I know that Jesus is taking note of all Dennis does for me-he has to have the most wonderful for jewels for his crown in heaven! All I could do was stand there and cry and thank God for him.

This certainly is not all that Dennis does for us, for our home.  He completely takes care of the laundry,  nine times out of ten, he cooks and cleans up! When I cook,  he cleans up. He takes care of our home both inside and out-whatever he can do to free me to work or to rest-whatever I need at the time.  He also chauffeurs me around,  as much of the time lately,  I can’t drive.  He takes our puppy Max and a book and they wait for me to finish a meeting or an appointment.

This week as a lot of my family comes to join us-I look back over the last year and all that has transpired. I see so much more good than bad-regardless of the financial struggles-the day by day dependence and growing relationship with my Heavenly Father has taken precedence over everything else I think about or do.  In every situation, I find myself thinking “what’s the lesson here?” or “what is God doing ?” or “who am I to share all this with?”  My continuing Bible study with BSF and how what I learn intertwines with my GriefShare Ministry as well as daily devotionals that I read or are sent to me,  continue to amaze me as I know that is my Father speaking directly to me and my circumstances.

So, regardless of what I am dealing with physically, or financially–I feel tremendously thankful and blessed- I truly have everything that gives one joy and peace.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, rheumatoid arthritis, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,

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