CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

Archive for the category “Suffering loss”

18 Jul 2010

A New One for God’s Kingdom

As we are on hiatus for GriefShare for the summer, I just get calls from those who call in for counseling or help. Last month, I had a call from a young woman who had  lost her husband in March, just 3 months before. She was getting Hospice counseling, but still not coping well. I briefly told her some of my story about how I had come to know Jesus in a personal way and then asked her for her story.  She replied that she must have just assimilated it all from being in church all her life. I told her, “it’s ok, we’ll just start from scratch”. We arranged to meet at a Starbucks at the hospital where she worked-after, yes, another doctor’s appointment for me. Little did I know what God had in store for me!!

We got together and quickly talked through our hellos, how are you doing this week?-not well-ok we’ll talk about the Great Comforter. From there I went right into reading together from a little booklet I have called the Four Spiritual Laws. (I’ll detail them in my next post for those not familiar) While going through the scriptures and the Laws, my new friend came to see that she had to ask Jesus to come into her life, she wasn’t just born with Him; He didn’t just join her one day in church. My Lord Jesus is a gentleman. He even says in scripture (Rev 3:20) Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and will open the door and invite me in, then I will come in and will stay with him. When we came to the sample prayer, she immediately wanted to pray-and pray aloud she did-asking Jesus into her heart right there in Starbucks!

Our conversation then went on to the Trinity and the Great Comforter, the Holy Spirit who now lives inside us. And really what a true Comfort He will be now that He is in her. The ways to go to Him and count on Him. Right now, at this stage of her life, the precious holy Comforter is the most important part of her life.

So after 2 hours or so we went our separate ways, promising to talk regularly, get together at church, and the importance of her baptism.  I knew of course that  I had done nothing but be there and open my mouth. That God had spoken all the words to bring her to Him. But what a tremendous blessing it was to me to be used like that.

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06 Mar 2010

And One More Thing!

Just when I thought I might be getting better–I’m not.  The last two days, I have worked-had full days as a matter of fact, but the headache is once again getting worse. I am back to 2 percocet at a time again and I am having breakthrough nausea even with the compezine. 

I went to the gastroenterologist this morning after a week of worsening heart burn. It has gotten down to where much of what I eat and drink burns me. The thought is that six months of daily vomiting could have damaged my existing hiatal hernia further or started an ulcer. I am scheduled for an endoscopy next week to see. In the meantime, I am taking another drug-this one for Reflux.

My asthma is better and I am tapering down my steroid dosage. Still, looking at my round face, I can tell the side effects! In three weeks, I’ll take the “gold standard for diabetes testing” so they can tell me I have diabetes! I mean it, have you every heard of anyone that had so much wrong with their body? I honestly don’t know if I am just wearing out my parts or if maybe something something so systemic-like diabetes-or my asthma-is the culprit! I guess I will be finding out!

All these feelings after such a precious time Wednesday night with my pastors! I did hope for an instant miracle, but I can see that this is not to be, at least for right now. Still as I re-read the devotional sent to me last year and which I saved, I continue to be reminded that God is not punishing me. I do believe He is using all this to prune me, but also to touch those others that come into my sphere who are also sufferning. Every day there is just one someone who needs to hear Jesus’ story and how it’s impacted my life and can impact them as well.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, diabetes, life stories, parietal foriminas, Suffering loss, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
23 Nov 2009
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I Am So Thankful

I spent the morning catching up on my sleep after my interesting stay at the hospital. After checking further, the pharmacist should have known that morphine and dilaudid were related and that I would be in danger of an allergic reaction!! I will be much more careful in the future before taking new drugs!

We are having Thanksgiving here-for probably the last time-as we do hope to sell the house and go smaller next year. I spent the afternoon setting my table-ironing the linens, polishing silver, placing the china, silver and crystal. I used a large metal “horn” that I have and placed all colors and sizes of gourds in it for my centerpiece. For candles,  I got out tiny little turkey candle holders for slim tall tapers. My table is white, red and gold (yellow) and so pretty!

Dennis finished the girls’ special Christmas presents and then helped me by doing the final grocery shopping for things we didn’t/couldn’t get yesterday. And then, he cleaned my ovens!! I have never heard of a husband that would clean an oven-but there he was scrubbing away so that I would not hurt my hands any further! What a wonderful, special man I am married to! I know that Jesus is taking note of all Dennis does for me-he has to have the most wonderful for jewels for his crown in heaven! All I could do was stand there and cry and thank God for him.

This certainly is not all that Dennis does for us, for our home.  He completely takes care of the laundry,  nine times out of ten, he cooks and cleans up! When I cook,  he cleans up. He takes care of our home both inside and out-whatever he can do to free me to work or to rest-whatever I need at the time.  He also chauffeurs me around,  as much of the time lately,  I can’t drive.  He takes our puppy Max and a book and they wait for me to finish a meeting or an appointment.

This week as a lot of my family comes to join us-I look back over the last year and all that has transpired. I see so much more good than bad-regardless of the financial struggles-the day by day dependence and growing relationship with my Heavenly Father has taken precedence over everything else I think about or do.  In every situation, I find myself thinking “what’s the lesson here?” or “what is God doing ?” or “who am I to share all this with?”  My continuing Bible study with BSF and how what I learn intertwines with my GriefShare Ministry as well as daily devotionals that I read or are sent to me,  continue to amaze me as I know that is my Father speaking directly to me and my circumstances.

So, regardless of what I am dealing with physically, or financially–I feel tremendously thankful and blessed- I truly have everything that gives one joy and peace.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, rheumatoid arthritis, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
13 Nov 2009

Surprise! My Doctor’s Appointment Today!

I am again blessed! I was able to get in and see the new neurosurgeon today! He was very knowledgeable and even though this is a rare condition, is his specialty. He was very thorough in his examination and in looking over my existing MRI. He talked us through best and worse case scenarios and showed us what he saw on the scans. Then he ordered a CT Scan as well. We plan to do the angiogram on the 20th and surgery on the 23rd. Best of all possibilities is that they can fix everything through arteries-not invading my scalp or skull! Worst case, they fix it both ways. But the main thing is, that he can fix it! Now I just have to get through the week, working and operating as normally as possible!

Tonight was the next to last night for our 13 weeks of GriefShare Ministry until we start again in January. How wonderful it was to watch as people who had been coming all along shared and helped the newer ones! To see the blossoming of faith, the coming along in the process of grief for people where they are now vs 12 weeks ago is truly amazing and could only be a God thing! Saturday we will have a “Surviving the Holidays” seminar from 10-12pm. A lot of the “regulars” are bringing family members and we have many who couldn’t attend regularly but are coming just for this one time. I pray that God will richly bless this time and heal broken hearts, frozen hearts, mad hearts that will all be there.

Posted in brain tumor, christian, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
11 Nov 2009

A New Doctor!

After listening to counseling from family and friends, we did pray that God would lead us to a doctor who is a specialist in DAVF. My wonderful administrator Carol found him for me doing research. He is with the Neuro Group at USF Medical-which takes my insurance! He can see me next Thurs, the 19th, do the angiogram and surgery all very quickly! St. Joseph’s where we were yesterday can’t even do the angiogram till December!

I realize this isn’t an emergency like an aneurysm. But I can tell you it is very difficult to work, drive-anything with all the side effects of this! So I am really thankful-wish it was this week, but I can’t have everything!

I have been amazed at the outpouring of prayers, loving words and scriptures sent to me from my GriefShare leaders all over the country along with friends, family and new friends who have found out about the tumor! How blessed I feel!  Thank you for all you who have written!

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, dural arteriovenous fistulas, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
09 Nov 2009

God is Creative, Therefore We Are!

Our message today was first that God is an Artist… as we are made in the image of the creative God, each of us is creative! Even if you think on of the left side of your brain! It can be expressed in so many ways besides painting or music or design-it can be problem solving, parenting, leadership, scientific research-anything! Gen 1:26 “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…the word there means like an ICON. Our ICONS on the computer point to different master program. So the thought is–Am I an ICON that represents God when people “click” on me?

The next important point was that God the Son-Jesus_ is the expression, the medium of God. He is the image of the invisible God. When you look at Him, you see God. He is the ICON that points to the Father.

In Gen 1:7-8 “God breathed life into man’s nostrils and he became a living being”. As a believer, I am embued with the Holy Spirit-he lives within me because I asked Him to. So the inspiration is that the next time I have a problem, I take a deep breath. I breath in His thoughts-often the answer to my problem or issue.

I wonder if I am stamped with the image of God? Do people look at me and see Him? What picture do I present with the way I live? Am I Salt and Light?

Pretty deep  thougths, but so important! Life changing for anyone who reaches out to have it.

Posted in christian, chronic pain, Creativity, GriefShare, life stories, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
06 Nov 2009

November 5th, A Most Interesting Day

November 5th, 1953 my sister came into this world. We celebrate her birthday today! One day, with her permission, I’ll tell you more about her. But my opinion is that she is an extremely talented interior designer with architectural abilities. She has my total love and acceptance. She is the “Queen” of the 4 sisters. Our youngest sister, who just announced her 2nd pregnancy this week! is our “Princess”

Today is also the first anniversary of my mom’s death. My mom and I had a strange and wonderful relationship-probably like a lot of other daughters and their moms. As I have reflected back on our relationship today in particular, I am so thankful that first and foremost she was a believer who taught her children about the Lord-in some cases led them to Him, but always was a praying mom. She knew scripture like no one I have ever known and everyone she met, she shared Jesus with. I often thought she was so over the top with that, but this last year, I have felt that same mantle falling on my shoulders and as I have read and studied on my own and given God permission to bring Himself up in any conversation I have-it has been truly amazing how He has done that. Every single day, as a result, I get to share Jesus with somebody! Maybe it is someone who already knows Him, but needs uplifting, maybe it is someone who is seeking, maybe it is someone who doesn’t have a clue, but there they are in my sphere. You see, I do believe that God sent His Son so that people should not perish-and I certainly don’t want anyone to perish on my account!

So the next thing that happened this day was that an article that I wrote got published by EzineArticles.com! How exciting that was! I wrote about how God answers prayer specifically for us. I’ll eventually figure out how to do that link…but go to www.ezinearticles.com  then click on self improvement and spiritual. My article was listed at #7. The great news is that they asked for more, classified me as an expert author-no less! I do have ideas for continuing  a series on answered prayer as that is such a major issue in peoples’ lives.

Then I had a bit of “bad” news. Although I have to say for the first time in my life getting news that I am once again sick and facing possible serious surgery, I am only excited to find out what God is going to do this time! There truly is no fear, no “God mad”. I know that He is not finished with me yet-if only because of my GriefShare ministry and now my writing. It seems that I have developed the same symptoms in the same place on my head as I had almost 2 months ago when they removed that weird outside the brain tumor. I have about a 3/4 in “bubble” filled with fluid that has just come up. It has brought the headache and dizziness back from before. I will see the chief radiologist of the main hospital I go to on Monday. He will do some more scans and from there, I guess he and my neurosurgeon will decide whether to operate-like inside the brain- or whether to try to inject cortisone into the bubble. The danger is that the bubble is right over my main artery in my brain which holds a  quarter of the body’s blood! He misses and I am dead! Again, this will be where my trust in my Great Physician comes in. He knows all things-knew this was coming, isn’t surprised by it and has already taken care of it! I just get to hang around and see what HE DOES! 

Obviously I believe I have a story to tell or I wouldn’t be writing! It’s interesting that also this week the author of the writing workshop that I have just connected with and will go the first time this month has gone the extra mile to connect me with others that can help me with this writing gig-more than a workshop can! And I met a new person at my GriefShare group tonight whose 83 yr old dad has just published his first novel-a story of his mom raising 7 kids in the true recession. I can’t wait to meet him at his book signing this weekend!

Posted in brain tumor, christian, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, Ezinearticles.com, GriefShare, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
30 Oct 2009

Today’s Blessings

I continue to be amazed at how my BSF Bible study of the gospel of John and my GriefShare workbook and peoples’ need intertwine! This could only be a God thing! What I study for the week and learn during the morning on Thursdays is so applicable to our Thursday night meetings for GriefShare. Tonight was one of our best nights, because we (the leaders) watched the group help each other. We talked about real progression from where we all were 9 wks ago and who is sharing and talking today. And what concrete needs, physical needs we have that we can help each other with. I am so humbled by what God is doing! At some time we are ALL going to grieve for someone. That is life. What most people don’t realize is that grieving is a process-and that you have to go through the process. You have to take the time to grieve. If you do not, it will come back on you in some way, some how in the future. GriefShare is just that-sharing our grief, regardless of what loved one died. Processes for moving forward in a good way, not pushing it down and ignoring it as so many do.

Sometimes people are mad at God. How can a good, loving God take their loved one away? Sometimes there are no answers, but I can promise that God will bring good things out of the bad times. Sometimes, that one good thing is all you have to cling to when you are so desolate, but God absolutely will meet you where you are if you will call out to Him. He is just waiting for that call-He will wait your whole life for that call if necessary.

I was reflecting this week on this past year and the changes in my life since my parents died last year. I too have looked for the “good things”. And really there are so many. I’m now involved in a ministry that is helping other grieving people. People have come to know the Lord personally as a result. This is absolutely not something I would have sought out for any other reason.  My relationships with my siblings and spouses is closer and I have watched as they have grown closer together and to the Lord in their own search for that “one good thing”.  My mom’s spiritual gift was evangelism. There wasn’t anybody, anywhere that she wouldn’t share her faith with. If the refrigerator broke down, she’d just know that the repairman was going to meet Jesus that day! Now I have to say that I haven’t gone that far, but I know that God brings people into my sphere for a reason-and I am always willing to share His love and grace with anyone that  is interested. This  urgency is new this last year. I don’t know how God does that exactly, but I feel like the mantle has been passed on to me. I don’t bring up the conversation, HE does. I just give HIM permission every morning to do so! Maybe that is the difference. I am available.

One thing that my parents left was a legacy. All their six children know the Lord Jesus personally. All but one of the 10 grandchildren that are old enough to have made a personal decision to trust in Jesus have also. I am sure that the others will come along as will my grandchildren someday as they too are being taught about Jesus. Deuteronomy says that we are to teach our children at all times-sitting down, mealtimes, walking-whatever we are doing-we should be teaching them about Jesus and His love and His sacrifice for us.  I wasn’t all that great at following those directions in raising my girls, but I thank God everyday that what little I did say or do and all the praying I’ve done since I got over my “God mad” has made such a difference in their lives. Now I have my 3 granddaughters to pray for and to teach. Like I said BLESSINGS!

Posted in christian, GriefShare, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
27 Oct 2009

uh oh!

Everything was going along well. We had a good office of 8 consultants and me. Then I was stricken with breast cancer. It was kinda crazy how it all came together. I had had regular mammagrams. One showed some changes in one area and I was to come back in 3 months and have another one. Still more changes this time, so I went to Moffit and also sent my slides to my doctor at Emory in Atlanta. Moffit told me to wait and watch, while Emory said-let’s test further. I went up to Atlanta and consulted with 2 other oncologists. They thought that I should not wait for things to get worse, but to go ahead and have a double simple subcutaneous mastectomy. I was on premarin from my previous hysterectomy and certainly did not want to give up that medicine. I was 39 years old and by this time had had numerous biopsies with diagnosis on the edge of malignacy. It was time to make sure things went no further. This way, I would not have to have chemo or radiation…althought that is no longer what they do today in treatment.

We scheduled the surgery over the holidays in November. I thought that the less I was away from my office the better. I was gone three weeks.

Still business struggled and our office suffered as a result. Finally  we moved into  a shared office with MRI Clearwater and MRI  West Palm Beach as well as MRI Tampa. Consolidating the offices was good. We could play off of each other-although  most of what they did was not local as I was. Still it was a great learning time for me-in terms of all kinds of recruiting, objections, ect.(probably one of the most fun times of my life)

Soon after that the General Manager left to purchase his own MRI franchise. And so began the saga of new MRI mgrs…I just kept my head down and did my business.

In 1993, I had my final surgery for my breast reconstruction. It was supposed to be nothing at all. In fact done right in the clinic operating room. I woke up with a tube in my throat in the hospital. I had had an asthma attack under anesthesisa and had stopped breathing. They had fought to get me back.

My first thought was not that I almost died and what would have happened to me,but that I was there standing before the God of the Universe. He asked me how I had spent my time on earth after I had become a believer. He asked me if I knew all the guys lined up beside Him-it seems that they were his prophets-the writers of His Word. Had I even read all of His love letter to me? All I could think of  was that I was so ashamed. I was so convicted of my negligence. That day I purposed in my heart that I would change my ways, my life. I was given a second chance and I would make the most of it!

Posted in breast cancer, christian, chronic pain, life stories, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
27 Oct 2009

Laurel

 As I have expressed in previous writings, we had issues with Laurel. She  was a ‘daddy’s girl” from the start. Cried for him so many times as a toddler, even when she was getting tubes in her ears! Several times! unfortunately when she reached 11, we really started having problems-withschool. We met many times with the psychiatrist as well as school officials and her teachers. No one liked giving her the medicine for ADHD. That was one problem. She was very smart and once she showed you that she could do long division or spell a word, she didn’t want to repeat the process in homework. It didn’t help that her dad was making a play for her to come live with him-lots of promises of what could be…finally I gave up when we were filing for bankruptcy with our business and I was facing breast cancer. I truly believed that they could give her the counseling and and one on one time that she needed! Of course this was the worst mistake I ever made!

Laurel went to live with them at age 12. She came back to us at 18. She finished her senior year of high school. Dennis taught her to drive, to balance a checkbook and other essential things that a child should learn to be able to become an adult.

The rest is her story…with us doing what we could and can for her!

 

Posted in ADHD, adoption, christian, divorce, life stories, sharing loss of loved ones, Suffering loss, surviving major health issues and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

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