CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

Archive for the category “christian”

And it is really all about prayer

Ohmigoodness, did I get some lessons on Thursday this week! First I learned that sometimes, we just can’t pray right or enough for ourselves. It takes the power of two or more just like scripture says. And then once re-learning that lesson, I had to learn again, that my things, my people and my pets aren’t mine.

Let me start at the beginning. Last Thursday, I was trying hard to get out of my car and then retrieve my purse and Bible for the weekly Bible study group I go to (BSF) A woman nearby saw me struggling and asked if she could help me. I said yes, if you have some Remicade or some pain medication, kinda flippantly. But she came right over and looked at me and said you look like you are in terrible pain. I said I am. I don’t think there is a place I don’t hurt, cause even my lip still hurts at this point. She said, “Let me pray for you.” And then she sort of put her arms around me and she began to pray and I mean pray.  I knew this woman was no stranger to prayer and so my heart and mind and spirit joined with hers and agreed with her prayer for my healing. Then when she was done, she took my chin in her fingers, looked me in the eyes and said now you believe it! And then she walked right off into the building.

I gathered my things and took my first few steps and immediately knew that I had no pain, I stood up straight and walked faster-a normal gait-without pain.  I entered the building and signed in, got my lesson for the next week and went and sat down next to one of my friends. I was in a daze! She said, “what’s up with you?” I told her what had happened in the parking lot–we both got tears in our eyes and then it was time for the hymns. I usually try to skip this part, because I haven’t been able to sing since my stroke 6 yrs ago–generally I just hum along, but I was urged to open my mouth and sing and so I did and I sang! I don’t know how good I sounded, but let me tell you, to me going from a frog sounding voice to singing back to  more of a soprano or close to it was amazing! So now I am thinking wonder what else is healed? Cause I have lot’s of fallen apparts. I am 60. It happens. But I thought I had had everything fixed that could be fixed way before now. Turns out I was wrong. 

I was hurting so much I couldn’t do for myself-I needed that prayer for me. So we need to make it a purpose in our lives for those we know that are sick to go and pray for them-cause they can’t do it themselves, regardless of how strong a believer or prayer warrior they are. That was lesson number 1.

Today is Friday. My Catch-up day-stay home if at all possible day. Things are going well today. Both Dennis and I are getting a lot done. I am very happy because someone I have been recruiting has said yes and is now almost immediately scheduled for an interview. My other calls have gone ok–at least there are things to possibly follow-up on. The market is still so soft here. And when you feel personally involved with a candidate, it makes it tough when you can’t help them. I had just finished a call and my Yorkie who had been on his little bed to the left of my desk was now on my Book of Lists and I could hear the mess-I looked down and he wasn’t making a mess, he was having a seizure. I grabbed him really fast and ran outside to Dennis who had just started washing my car. I was screaming (I don’t do emergencies well, unless they are mine) put the water down and come get the dog! Literally he did throw it down and took Max from me, immediately trying to soothe him and stop the seizure. He walked into the house and I saw the water gushing straight up into the sky and ran to turn it off. Dennis loves that little dog just like I do. It took about 5 minutes for him to stop. This was the second one he’d had–6 or 7 months ago he’d had a short little one but we weren’t really sure that ‘s what it was and he was so fine after, we didn’t do anything. But this time, we rushed up to our vet.  Max checked out ok with his blood, etc. So we were told just to watch him. That if the seizures became more frequent or lasted longer, there was medication for him.  Best case, he might have a mild case of epilepsy, worst case  he’s growing a brain tumor; but it would take an MRI to rule that out-stupid right now and probably impossibly expensive if necessary later. So tonight we got to pray over our puppy whom we both love very much-but again is God’s and we accept that. I also had to pray over an ailing husband…who just hasn’t felt right all day. And when they are heart patients with new pacemakers, it makes it hard to trust and wait things out. But This IS What God has wanted of me. For me to see Him in every detail of my life. Everything that touches it–He has touched it first.  Lesson #2

 

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“I Know Exactly How You Feel!”

My favorite phrase these days, my validation for who I am and why I am living! But this is what God showed me last night and this morning: in Hebrews 4,  Jesus is the Great High Priest. And even though he has been through the heavens, Jesus is our high priest who can symphatize with our weaknesses-our every sin-because he was tempted as well-yet without sin. He also knows what it is to be cold, be hungry, be thirsty–whatever we are except without sin.

So when I am going through some trial physical or spiritual, Jesus can say to me.  “Oh Cindy, I know exactly how you feel! These are normal feelings, those are not-this is what the Father says about the trouble…” And then He proceeds to give me the comfort that I turn around and give to others, which is all II Corinthians 1:4. Isn’t that just the neatest thing?  Because I understood about His comfort. He has given me so much of it over the years. I don’t think I would have made it without it. But I had never seen Him as the Person going through everything that I was…yet he was.

I guess what I want to convey in this posting is the unlimited, overwhelming, incredible love that Jesus has for his own  that He would do this.  Over and over He’s told me how He love’s me and how  I need to trust him more-much more! And  of course I do trust Him and remind Him I have at least faith the size of a mustard seed! But how I want to grow it and mature myself  in Him. And of course, that means more prayer and Bible study! Thank you Jesus that you answered my heartfelt cry to make me want to study your word, to make me want to spend time with you. Now I have to work it out  to do my other required tasks because I would rather be here with you. Thank you.  On August 5, 2005 I prayed this prayer from Psalm 40:7-8  Then I said, “Here I am, I have come– it is written about in the scroll. I desire to do your will , O my God; your law is within my heart. A few days later,  I was in the hospital getting a cervical fusion and had a stroke. God used that time with me to teach me love and patience and gentleness-but it took this last year to learn to truly trust Him. I have written about some of these experiences-my hospitalization, losing my voice, getting a puppy to get me out of bed; but I just realized that I haven’t written about learning to trust Him.  Maybe He is not ready for me to write of it yet-because He directs my writing, maybe I don’t really trust Him enough yet. I think I do, but the Father knows all things and can certainly see my heart. Well, I am certain of one thing, eventually you will hear that story as well.

The Reality of Jesus–Always There When I Need Him

My last post was all about me. This one I want to be all about Jesus! He has been with me today, guiding me; comforting me; leading me to scripture I needed to read again; reminding me of those things I know, but sometimes seem to forget in crisis mode.

My Bible study lesson this week actually took us to Hebrews to talk about Jesus’ high Priesthood! As I read the lesson and reflected on what I know to be true from experience and what new words God was opening my eyes to, there were several scriptures:

Hebrews 1:2-3  ” in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son.. whom he appointed heir of all things and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being sustaining all things by his powerful word.”  just notice a couple of things before we go on– Jesus is the heir of all, he was there and a part of the universe being made. He is the exact representation of God –”if you have seen me, you have seen the Father” and that all things are held together by God’s very word.

Hebrews 2: 17 “For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.”   So he had to not only come to us, but become one of us, thus becoming to God the perfect representative of humanity. He knows exactly where I am, what  I am feeling–all because he has been there.

I’ve said before that the Bible describes the Word of God as the sharp, powerful, penetrating sword –going even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all  creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Found in Hebrews 4:12-13 by the way, that passage can be a little scary if you stop there!  That’s why it is so important to not take scripture out of context, because in the last section of the chapter, the author reminds you again, that we are not standing alone before God. We have our great high priest, Jesus with us to intercede and to make us holy. I am so glad that when Holy God looks at me, He sees me through Jesus–then and only then am I clean and perfect and make him smile.  I wonder if he calls me Sunshine in heaven?

FINALLY, AN ANSWER! –OF COURSE, NOT THE ONE I WANTED

I had an endoscopy this last week. It was to check my reflux-in fact to put a little camera in to measure things for 48 hours. We also did it to make sure I hadn’t grown any new polyps this year. Last year, there were 11 of them between my esophagus and stomach.

We ALL got the surprise of our lives to see that I had a fungus ( candidas) growing out of control covering my esophagus all the way down to my stomach. When it is in the esophagus like that they call it, esophagitis. Traditional treatment is Nystatin. It doesn’t work.  I came home and promptly googled everything about the bacteria/fungus. Although it is a natural bacteria residing in the body, when it gets out of wack, it is very dangerous and can make a person very sick. This I know for sure. I believe, based on my reading that I have systemic candidas. Everything that has gone wrong with me this year can be traced back to it. Even the smell of the “bug” as I called it. I could smell it. I kept describing as a sickly sweet smell-yes, yeast! And candidas affects ears, the mouth, intestinal gas, bladder and kidney infections, asthma, RA–does any of this sound familiar? It’s amazing that when it gets in your intestines, it can release 70 different toxins. And of course no culture ever came back positive. Candida is natural to the body!

So I have a plan of action! I am not going to succumb to this! Now that I have a name to pray against and lock up, I will. When I see my pulmonologist next week, I will ask for a bronchosopy. It stands to reason that if its on my esophagus, its on my trachea, in my bronchii, maybe even my lungs–which would explain all the horrendous attacks…yet again why there was no culture. I have also researched a supplement that I have been told about that should really impact this problem-called Protamdin. I have a printout on it and am taking it to the doctor too. Finally all the websites suggested a complete nutritional change-perhaps something as radical as gluten free. I will work with a nutritionist on that. Those are the actions I can take. But mostly I am going to the throne room of my Lord God. I am going to ask for healing of this scourge. Again, now that we know the name, we can pray against it and bind it in Jesus Christ’s name.

I certainly believe it is worse because of my witness. I am out front and center in Linkedin now-this blog address is listed. My beliefs are listed. And when replying to any discussion, it is always whatever God tells me to write. But greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world.

 

Yes! A New Pacemaker!

Psalm 28: 7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

and in Psalm 27:1 the Lord is my light and my salvation -whom shall I fear? the Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom should I be afraid?

Oh, how I have claimed these promises in the last 2 weeks since we had seen the cardiologist! I certainly thought I was prepared for the worst. Even my children were-to the point of–Mom, you will be coming up here to live! But Hallelujah! I don’t think that God is finished with him yet either!  Our visit with the surgeon went very well and he showed us exactly what he would be doing with putting this new kind of pacemaker into Dennis-which will be smaller and much more comfortable-thank you Lord!-but the best news of all? What we couldn’t believe? His heart muscle instead of still being at only 28-30% capacity is now 47% capacity!  The doctors certainly don’t know what to make of it! But I do! My friends and I have been praying diligently for Dennis’ heart to strengthen-for this surgery and for his life–and so God has answered.

Surgery will be on the 20th, so we will have a quiet Christmas here at home. How thankful I am now that we were able to spend the week with the kids in Atlanta for Thanksgiving. That was some of the most precious time I have ever had with any of them…especially my granddaughters! How very thrilled we were when she told us that she wanted to ask Jesus to come and live in her heart. I spent quite a bit of time with her that night and yes Alyse was there and very interested herself. Then the following nights, Cailyn would always come and get me to “tuck her in” and we would again talk and talk. She has so many questions! I hope that she will be helped by her presents that she will be getting for Christmas.  Dennis and I gave it a lot of thought and searched quite a bit for the right things for her.

This of course is what I was living and hoping for-my grandchildren taking an interest in Jesus Christ. Who He is, why He came, what He did for us. I have been praying for this for a long time. Once again, God has been faithful to me.

Answered Prayers

Deuteronomy 4:7 (Moses is speaking) What other nation is so great as to have their gods near  them the way the Lord our God is near us when we pray to him. (At that time, the Lord traveled in a cloud by day and a fire at night above the Israelites. Kept them cool, kept them warm, and protected them)

IPeter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer…

 I had to talk about answered prayer tonight, because this week I say the Father answered my prayers-not all of them yet-but biggies with deadlines. When the others come to their deadlines, I am confident that He will have answered them.

I have a brother in law with a particularly slow growing leukemia-only last month it had taken off and the doctor was suddenly talking chemo. We prayed for the Lord’s will in this and He chose to stop it in it’s tracks! The blood looked good.                         

Then one of my sisters called and asked me to pray especially for her today because she had a big presentation that meant a huge sale for her company and a good commission for her. I prayed that she would have a clear mind, and clear speech, that the presentation would be all that she wanted it to be and that God would grace her with success. She called at 5 today to say it had gone so well and she had used one of my closing  questions to close.

Then another sister called. We had prayed long and hard about her mind accepting the math of real estate and the laws and ethics of real estate because she is taking the course right now and really needs to pass it. And as of Tuesday, she was batting zero. That’s why we prayed. I know that God listens and I know that He looks at our hearts as we are praying-He knows our motives. She is doing this to help support her family, what better, higher motive? And so as we went to His throne with confidence-the confidence that Christ gives us, we worshipped our Lord first as He deserves. He is our Creator, the maker of all things. Psalms 148 says “Let everything praise the Lord”–that includes inanimate objects, it includes everything He has made because ALL things, believe it or not make sound in some way and that sound is praise back to Him. So if objects can and do praise Him, then we are able to communicate in so many ways can do no less-everytime we think about it! We should praise Him, but I digress. I was talking about prayer. So after we worshipped our Lord and thanked Him for our every blessing, then we began to petition Him for brain power, for clear thinking and reasoning, for whatever it would take to pass the next 2 tests. So of course, when she called tonight to tell me that she had passed the first one, all I could do was say “thank you Lord, You are so good, Lord, Praise the Lord”. It was awesome! And we got praise reports on things we had been praying for in our Bible study group today, so I was pretty hyped when I went to my GriefShare group tonight.

I can’t really talk about what happens in group except to say the breakthroughs are happening. I see God answering my prayers for these suffering people and tonight was asked why did I know the answers in the Bible like I do?-it comes from studying His Word, I told them. It’s not like Sunday School-until you’ve done it, it’s hard to explain to another exactly what happens to you when you give yourself to study–but I know it changes you, you see more of what God needs to change in you–what you want God to change in you. For me, it’s the most important thing I do all week-because it is my time alone with God and believe me, He makes good use of it! Secondly, it’s Sunday church. I love it for the worship and the teaching. A lot of the time it confirms again in my heart and spirit what God has just taught me, so I know it’s not just me making that up!

For those of you reading this, if you aren’t in a Bible study but really want to know the Lord better–this is the way! and besides, imagine meeting all of the writers in heaven some day and you’ve never read their book!

Our New Life

We moved over the holiday weekend. Our kids came down and helped -a lot! I was very thankful. It took about a month, but finally we settled in–Sweet Dennis doing everything, unpacking, and re-tooling or fixing things to work for us in a better way. And we are only 10 minutes from the hospital! I can honestly say that I am truly satisfied–I think for the first time in my life. I have been wondering about why that is. Certainly my circumstances have changed financially, but that wouldn’t make a person want less-usually only more so! I don’t have everything I used to have in my new place-all the extra nice finishes, etc, but amazingly, that doesn’t bother me! Me who grew up wanting the perfect house-and actually having it for 7 years–not missing it or the finishes. The service people who have continued to see us have asked how we like the new place–all I can say is that I am so happy to have it and so comfortable and so satisfied. That is an amazing personality change for me, I have to admit. I was a shopper; I loved clothes and shoes and jewelry. I always wanted my house just so–and it was. 

This spring I took a personality profile for a client. I knew exactly what it would say. I had taken them previously for my company and I fit their GM profile perfectly-high dominance, high extraversion, high impatience. Imagine my surprise when my profile was read to me–dominance was mid-line (normal), high extraversion, high PATIENCE.  WHAT???   I kept asking my client if he was sure that he was reading it correctly. He was sure, of course–what was wrong? As far as he was concerned, this was a good profile of me! I asked him to email me the results so that I could read them over. And yes, really I had somehow changed.        

Now these seem to be two disconnected little stories, don’t they? But do you know that psychologists and all those who put those tests together and study behavior-especially life long behavior say that you can not change your basic personality traits; that their tests are such that regardless of how someone might try to “fix” the profile to match what the company is looking for, it is simply impossible to do that. So then my question had to be how was I so profoundly changed?  And for me anyway, these changes were truly profound.

After prayer and talking with my Holy Father, reading His Word, and at the leading of the Holy Spirit I began to find verses that said that we would be changed by the Word. It is sharper than a two-edged sword and cuts to the very marrow of the bone.    So after all the reading and praying and talking, I realized that God has been refining me just as He said He would. NOT THAT I HAVE “ARRIVED”, but only that finally there is some progress and growth in my life. This is encouragement to me and I hope to others that you can never be too old to change, for God to work on you or through you.                               

 

God’s Work in the Hospital

My first night, I woke up needing a breathing treatment. I had a really nice nurse and she sat with me while I got settled down. I told her of my daughter Laurel who had called to let me know she was feeling called into full time Christian service in Venezuela to a group called the Jonas Project. These are small boys who have been taken off the streets who have been abused, prostituted, into drug use, abandoned–you name it. The project people take these boys and give them schooling, room and board and tell them about Jesus. When I told the nurse about this-she knew about the PROJECT-in fact her church supports it! She asked that my Laurel come and talk with them about her calling. And later, when her husband came to pick her up, he came in to tell me about a Bible college-Crown College in Tn that she should check out as she will need training! Wow! at 3:30 in the morning.

Then my tech came in next and  she asked me how I had spent the weekend. I told her of my successful garage sale. She asked if I were selling a sofa. I was, but it hadn’t sold. She bought it. What a blessing that was for me!

On Monday I got a roommate whose husband was with her. Soon we were talking about our similar illnesses and how we coped. Very quickly God came into the conversation. They both professed Jesus as their Savior, but admitted to some major addictions.  Off and on as we spoke (the roommate and I) I just shared scripture as God gave it to me. In the middle of the night, when again I was taking a breathing treatment and then she was, I was reading in my Bible and thought the Lord might have a Word for me. But no, the word was for my roommate! I read her scriptures from 4 different passages as God led me along. Together, based on our earlier talk, we knew this was specifically for her. Amazing! I wrote it all down for her since she didn’t have her Bible with her. The first thing she did the next day was share it with her husband.

Tuesday came and I knew my stats had been good and that I was going home. I did a little work on my laptop before the doctor came and he said he wanted me to walk around the floor with a pulse ox to monitor my oxygen level to make sure it didn’t go down below 90. Otherwise I would have had to go home with oxygen.  He had a student nurse walk with me. Just a few minutes into our walk, she asked me if she could ask me a question. Of course was my answer. She asked me “aren’t you afraid when you have those asthma attacks?” Well if you read my writing about the night of May 5th, you know my answer!! So we just finished the story when we got back to my room. She asked if she could hug me. Of course, I answered, and you must be a believer too! She said, “I am” I asked if I could tell her one more story…so I told her of learning to pray. Of reading in Isaiah 37 of King Hezekiah and his prayer to the Lord, and then Nehemiah 1 and his prayer to the Lord and to all the prophets and how they prayed–which was so different than the way I prayed. And she admitted how she prayed. So I asked her to pray like they prayed for the next 2 weeks and when petitioning, to be very, very specific. And then to watch what God would do. At the end of that time, a book called the Papa Prayer by Larry Crabb might make some sense to her.

My youth pastor stepped into my room as she left. He told me I didn’t look sick. I explained that God’s work was done and I was going home. He said the other pastors told me about you–what’s been happening? So I told him some and then he asked what I needed. “I need rest and no asthma attacks for awhile; we’re moving.” I replied.  He said that the pastors did lift me up in prayer everyday-how wonderful is that? and he has teenagers–could they help us move boxes? So looks like all of the stuff we won’t get done this weekend, they will be available to load and bring to the new house on Tuesday. What a blessing!

AND THEN THERE WERE THREE

I just got out of the hospital from my 3rd asthma attack since May 5th. Lucky me, this time I only stayed 3 days, but God’s work was done and I was so tired!

Last Sunday morning, upon waking, I realized I could hardly breathe. My husband could hear me struggling across the room. He told me to get dressed, we were going to the hospital. I wanted to pack some things, but he wanted to get to the hospital right away. When I first arrived, my stats weren’t that bad, but within the 15, may be 20 minutes of triage and waiting on a bed, I started going down quickly. What a difference  it was having a group of nurses and doctors who knew just what to do, when  to do, how to do. The doctor came in right away, ordered an HOUR breathing treatment (they are usually only about 10-15 min), some other drugs, tests and said he was calling my pulmonologist. The breathing treatment was WONDERFUL! If I could live in that bubble all the time, I could breathe-no problem! Unfortunately, it doesn’t last too long and soon the coughing and extreme breathlessness comes back-even with oxygen on.

Still do you notice something fantastic here is happening? I am not fearful or panicked. Just as God had promised on May 5th, He was there with me. I was so calm. I think the nurses were worried–they asked me–I said “it’s a God thing” .  I had prayed on the way, that God would be there with me, I asked him not to take me yet , I am moving next weekend and wanted to get my husband settled, and some personal business settled, IF He, the Lord, was ok with that. If I was just going because there were people I was to give witness to-as before-then that was fine too. Of course I wish He didn’t have to use an asthma attack to get me there-but that seems to be the way of it for now.

Read the next post for what He did…

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