CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

Archive for the category “4 spritual laws”

And it is really all about prayer

Ohmigoodness, did I get some lessons on Thursday this week! First I learned that sometimes, we just can’t pray right or enough for ourselves. It takes the power of two or more just like scripture says. And then once re-learning that lesson, I had to learn again, that my things, my people and my pets aren’t mine.

Let me start at the beginning. Last Thursday, I was trying hard to get out of my car and then retrieve my purse and Bible for the weekly Bible study group I go to (BSF) A woman nearby saw me struggling and asked if she could help me. I said yes, if you have some Remicade or some pain medication, kinda flippantly. But she came right over and looked at me and said you look like you are in terrible pain. I said I am. I don’t think there is a place I don’t hurt, cause even my lip still hurts at this point. She said, “Let me pray for you.” And then she sort of put her arms around me and she began to pray and I mean pray.  I knew this woman was no stranger to prayer and so my heart and mind and spirit joined with hers and agreed with her prayer for my healing. Then when she was done, she took my chin in her fingers, looked me in the eyes and said now you believe it! And then she walked right off into the building.

I gathered my things and took my first few steps and immediately knew that I had no pain, I stood up straight and walked faster-a normal gait-without pain.  I entered the building and signed in, got my lesson for the next week and went and sat down next to one of my friends. I was in a daze! She said, “what’s up with you?” I told her what had happened in the parking lot–we both got tears in our eyes and then it was time for the hymns. I usually try to skip this part, because I haven’t been able to sing since my stroke 6 yrs ago–generally I just hum along, but I was urged to open my mouth and sing and so I did and I sang! I don’t know how good I sounded, but let me tell you, to me going from a frog sounding voice to singing back to  more of a soprano or close to it was amazing! So now I am thinking wonder what else is healed? Cause I have lot’s of fallen apparts. I am 60. It happens. But I thought I had had everything fixed that could be fixed way before now. Turns out I was wrong. 

I was hurting so much I couldn’t do for myself-I needed that prayer for me. So we need to make it a purpose in our lives for those we know that are sick to go and pray for them-cause they can’t do it themselves, regardless of how strong a believer or prayer warrior they are. That was lesson number 1.

Today is Friday. My Catch-up day-stay home if at all possible day. Things are going well today. Both Dennis and I are getting a lot done. I am very happy because someone I have been recruiting has said yes and is now almost immediately scheduled for an interview. My other calls have gone ok–at least there are things to possibly follow-up on. The market is still so soft here. And when you feel personally involved with a candidate, it makes it tough when you can’t help them. I had just finished a call and my Yorkie who had been on his little bed to the left of my desk was now on my Book of Lists and I could hear the mess-I looked down and he wasn’t making a mess, he was having a seizure. I grabbed him really fast and ran outside to Dennis who had just started washing my car. I was screaming (I don’t do emergencies well, unless they are mine) put the water down and come get the dog! Literally he did throw it down and took Max from me, immediately trying to soothe him and stop the seizure. He walked into the house and I saw the water gushing straight up into the sky and ran to turn it off. Dennis loves that little dog just like I do. It took about 5 minutes for him to stop. This was the second one he’d had–6 or 7 months ago he’d had a short little one but we weren’t really sure that ‘s what it was and he was so fine after, we didn’t do anything. But this time, we rushed up to our vet.  Max checked out ok with his blood, etc. So we were told just to watch him. That if the seizures became more frequent or lasted longer, there was medication for him.  Best case, he might have a mild case of epilepsy, worst case  he’s growing a brain tumor; but it would take an MRI to rule that out-stupid right now and probably impossibly expensive if necessary later. So tonight we got to pray over our puppy whom we both love very much-but again is God’s and we accept that. I also had to pray over an ailing husband…who just hasn’t felt right all day. And when they are heart patients with new pacemakers, it makes it hard to trust and wait things out. But This IS What God has wanted of me. For me to see Him in every detail of my life. Everything that touches it–He has touched it first.  Lesson #2

 

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More New Meds!

We went back to the GI Dot today for follow up after my endoscopy last week. He told us that in all his years of practice, he had never seen such a bad, overwhelming case of this systemic candida.  I saw pictures and compared with what it is supposed to look like vs what it does look like is amazing. It’s like one of those powdered donuts you buy instead being a glazed donut. Yeah, pretty awful comparison, isn’t it?

Well, at least I know I am not crazy. There are physical reasons for all that I have been through and am going through now. I think the fatigue is the hardest thing, because it is so overwhelming. So I got a bottle of ProBiotics. I am to take a double dose every day for 2 months. I am already on the antifungal double dose for 3 weeks with the warning I may have to stay on it longer too. I am not sure how they will determine if the stuff is gone.

All I know is Greater Is He That Is Within Me Than He That Is In The World. I know He has a purpose to all of this. But I have to say honestly tonight, it is hard. The sores on my mouth are not healing, but seemingly worse and larger–I would assume because of the infection. But I don’t know who to see, or what to do about it-other than to pray.

“I Know Exactly How You Feel!”

My favorite phrase these days, my validation for who I am and why I am living! But this is what God showed me last night and this morning: in Hebrews 4,  Jesus is the Great High Priest. And even though he has been through the heavens, Jesus is our high priest who can symphatize with our weaknesses-our every sin-because he was tempted as well-yet without sin. He also knows what it is to be cold, be hungry, be thirsty–whatever we are except without sin.

So when I am going through some trial physical or spiritual, Jesus can say to me.  “Oh Cindy, I know exactly how you feel! These are normal feelings, those are not-this is what the Father says about the trouble…” And then He proceeds to give me the comfort that I turn around and give to others, which is all II Corinthians 1:4. Isn’t that just the neatest thing?  Because I understood about His comfort. He has given me so much of it over the years. I don’t think I would have made it without it. But I had never seen Him as the Person going through everything that I was…yet he was.

I guess what I want to convey in this posting is the unlimited, overwhelming, incredible love that Jesus has for his own  that He would do this.  Over and over He’s told me how He love’s me and how  I need to trust him more-much more! And  of course I do trust Him and remind Him I have at least faith the size of a mustard seed! But how I want to grow it and mature myself  in Him. And of course, that means more prayer and Bible study! Thank you Jesus that you answered my heartfelt cry to make me want to study your word, to make me want to spend time with you. Now I have to work it out  to do my other required tasks because I would rather be here with you. Thank you.  On August 5, 2005 I prayed this prayer from Psalm 40:7-8  Then I said, “Here I am, I have come– it is written about in the scroll. I desire to do your will , O my God; your law is within my heart. A few days later,  I was in the hospital getting a cervical fusion and had a stroke. God used that time with me to teach me love and patience and gentleness-but it took this last year to learn to truly trust Him. I have written about some of these experiences-my hospitalization, losing my voice, getting a puppy to get me out of bed; but I just realized that I haven’t written about learning to trust Him.  Maybe He is not ready for me to write of it yet-because He directs my writing, maybe I don’t really trust Him enough yet. I think I do, but the Father knows all things and can certainly see my heart. Well, I am certain of one thing, eventually you will hear that story as well.

The Reality of Jesus–Always There When I Need Him

My last post was all about me. This one I want to be all about Jesus! He has been with me today, guiding me; comforting me; leading me to scripture I needed to read again; reminding me of those things I know, but sometimes seem to forget in crisis mode.

My Bible study lesson this week actually took us to Hebrews to talk about Jesus’ high Priesthood! As I read the lesson and reflected on what I know to be true from experience and what new words God was opening my eyes to, there were several scriptures:

Hebrews 1:2-3  ” in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son.. whom he appointed heir of all things and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being sustaining all things by his powerful word.”  just notice a couple of things before we go on– Jesus is the heir of all, he was there and a part of the universe being made. He is the exact representation of God –”if you have seen me, you have seen the Father” and that all things are held together by God’s very word.

Hebrews 2: 17 “For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.”   So he had to not only come to us, but become one of us, thus becoming to God the perfect representative of humanity. He knows exactly where I am, what  I am feeling–all because he has been there.

I’ve said before that the Bible describes the Word of God as the sharp, powerful, penetrating sword –going even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all  creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Found in Hebrews 4:12-13 by the way, that passage can be a little scary if you stop there!  That’s why it is so important to not take scripture out of context, because in the last section of the chapter, the author reminds you again, that we are not standing alone before God. We have our great high priest, Jesus with us to intercede and to make us holy. I am so glad that when Holy God looks at me, He sees me through Jesus–then and only then am I clean and perfect and make him smile.  I wonder if he calls me Sunshine in heaven?

My Eulogy at My Dad’s Funeral

I  am Cindy, Dad’s first born child. I was also the first Hungerford girl in many generations. I guess as the first born, I had a special connection with Dad. He was my first love and god all rolled up into one for me from my first memories.

I believed everything he said and tried — until my teens anyway — to do everything he wanted me to. In first grade, I told my teacher that my dad said the moon was made of green cheese. She said absolutely not! But I argued with her and got sent to the principal’s office. I explained that my dad said it—so it was true! Poor Daddy, he had to go down to the principal’s office and explain and apologize!

When Dad died, I had all these flashbacks of him and me. At six, my first Christmas I remember the handmade doll furniture for my doll. My first bike and teaching me to ride without training wheels. A Halloween parade where he made me the most a awesome tail that curled and pitchfork for my devil costume—this was before we knew any better!

When I broke my arm playing Tarzan and Jane and he ran all the red lights to get me to the hospital. The weekend trips aroundTexas, to San Jacinto Memorial, to New Braunsfels where I rode my first horse.

Of course in my teens things changed a lot! I wanted to be a part of the crowd. Dad didn’t want me out there at all. I seemed to get grounded all the time. When I was 15, I was grounded and had to ask him to please let me go with my boyfriend to his prom-he relented and let me go. When I was 16 and had my birthday party at home and the kids started dancing—he shut it down. I was mad at him for a long time. I didn’t care that our church preached against dancing and he was a deacon—and needed to adhere to the church’s doctrines. But that was Dad-at that point in his life he was still about works and earning his salvation.

Life with my dad was not easy as a teen, but after I married my Dennis at 29, I seemed to finally grow up and when we moved toTampa in 1984, I purposed to have a closer relationship with both my parents. This led to much visiting and really getting to know my father as a person. For the first time, I heard about his early life and his war years. I finally understood why he was the way he was—military straight, absolutes because of his nuclear physics education and lack of love in his home growing up. When he stood here and told ya’ll a month ago that my mom was the first person to love him unconditionally-he was being truthful.  I am glad that I had come to love him unconditionally long ago.

After mom’s funeral last month, he came to stay with Dennis and me for three weeks.

It was a precious time I am so thankful for now. We talked about his salvation experience and his great regrets in his life. How very much he loved his children, but couldn’t express it. How proud he was of everyone for their teaching their own children about Jesus. That we, his children were believers. That was his greatest legacy.

I was sent a card by one of my staff at work.

It said  “Remember that your father left the world a legacy in the good and caring person that you have grown to be. And in this time of sadness may it help to comfort you to know that he is still a part of all you are and do.

 

I found this today searching through my files for another lost file. The 3rd anniversary of Dad’s  death is coming up soon. December 14th. Mom had died 5 weeks previously on Nov 5. You know, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss them both so much! They prayed for me, supported me unconditionally, loved me and my associate was right, they taught me about Jesus.  I”m sure they nor I had any idea how much a person could change–as I have, but I hope that Jesus has told them. And I know my Mom is happy that I finally “get it” that Bible study is the most important thing you can do-along with praying-if you want to know, really know Our Great God, Our Father, Our Creator, Our Savior who hides us in the cleft of the rock, covers us with His feathers, holds us in the palm of His hand and will never, ever let us go.

Answered Prayers

Deuteronomy 4:7 (Moses is speaking) What other nation is so great as to have their gods near  them the way the Lord our God is near us when we pray to him. (At that time, the Lord traveled in a cloud by day and a fire at night above the Israelites. Kept them cool, kept them warm, and protected them)

IPeter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer…

 I had to talk about answered prayer tonight, because this week I say the Father answered my prayers-not all of them yet-but biggies with deadlines. When the others come to their deadlines, I am confident that He will have answered them.

I have a brother in law with a particularly slow growing leukemia-only last month it had taken off and the doctor was suddenly talking chemo. We prayed for the Lord’s will in this and He chose to stop it in it’s tracks! The blood looked good.                         

Then one of my sisters called and asked me to pray especially for her today because she had a big presentation that meant a huge sale for her company and a good commission for her. I prayed that she would have a clear mind, and clear speech, that the presentation would be all that she wanted it to be and that God would grace her with success. She called at 5 today to say it had gone so well and she had used one of my closing  questions to close.

Then another sister called. We had prayed long and hard about her mind accepting the math of real estate and the laws and ethics of real estate because she is taking the course right now and really needs to pass it. And as of Tuesday, she was batting zero. That’s why we prayed. I know that God listens and I know that He looks at our hearts as we are praying-He knows our motives. She is doing this to help support her family, what better, higher motive? And so as we went to His throne with confidence-the confidence that Christ gives us, we worshipped our Lord first as He deserves. He is our Creator, the maker of all things. Psalms 148 says “Let everything praise the Lord”–that includes inanimate objects, it includes everything He has made because ALL things, believe it or not make sound in some way and that sound is praise back to Him. So if objects can and do praise Him, then we are able to communicate in so many ways can do no less-everytime we think about it! We should praise Him, but I digress. I was talking about prayer. So after we worshipped our Lord and thanked Him for our every blessing, then we began to petition Him for brain power, for clear thinking and reasoning, for whatever it would take to pass the next 2 tests. So of course, when she called tonight to tell me that she had passed the first one, all I could do was say “thank you Lord, You are so good, Lord, Praise the Lord”. It was awesome! And we got praise reports on things we had been praying for in our Bible study group today, so I was pretty hyped when I went to my GriefShare group tonight.

I can’t really talk about what happens in group except to say the breakthroughs are happening. I see God answering my prayers for these suffering people and tonight was asked why did I know the answers in the Bible like I do?-it comes from studying His Word, I told them. It’s not like Sunday School-until you’ve done it, it’s hard to explain to another exactly what happens to you when you give yourself to study–but I know it changes you, you see more of what God needs to change in you–what you want God to change in you. For me, it’s the most important thing I do all week-because it is my time alone with God and believe me, He makes good use of it! Secondly, it’s Sunday church. I love it for the worship and the teaching. A lot of the time it confirms again in my heart and spirit what God has just taught me, so I know it’s not just me making that up!

For those of you reading this, if you aren’t in a Bible study but really want to know the Lord better–this is the way! and besides, imagine meeting all of the writers in heaven some day and you’ve never read their book!

Missions in My Own Backyard

Friday a week ago, I got a call from a candidate that I had spoken with several times. We had talked about my helping her find a job (remember I am a recruiter) and we had talked about a new business opportunity that I thought she was uniquely qualified for that I am also involved in. She was going to be in Tampa and wanted to meet me. So we met for lunch at Chili’s. As soon as we sat down, she said, “Cindy, I am not particularly religious”–ok I responded, not knowing where this was going. “But I love being around religious people”–why is that? I questioned. “Oh because I like them and want to be like them!” she said.  Of course I asked, “Has no one told you how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?”"  “ NO” she replied.  So I told her very simply that we are all sinners. that Jesus Christ is God’s perfect Son come to be our blood payment for our sin. That by accepting His sacrifice, death, burial and resurrection, we are born into God’s family and are then made perfect. She said I made it sound so simple! and I replied “it is so simple!” Do you understand? Do you want this for yourself? were the next questions I asked and eagerly she said Yes!” Ok, I said, Let’s do this” “What, right here? in Chili’s,” she asked. “What do I do?” So I took her hands and said follow me and led her in prayer-as we finished, she was crying, but smiling and happy and we proceeded to have the most wonderful time! We laughed and talked for an hour and after we had paid the bill, the waiter came by and he said” ya’ll must be best friends the way you were having such a good time”.  She looked at me and then she turned to him and said would you believe we never met face to face before today?–of course he didn’t believe us-but we left the restaurant laughing together and then I said–the reasons we were able to be like that is  that we are now sisters in Christ. We hugged again and I told her to read the gospel of John and that I’d be in touch. Then I got in the car and started praising the Lord with every word that I knew to praise Him.  

see what happens almost a week later next post.

Acts 8 and 9

This year we are studying the Acts of the Apostles. I am been amazed at how present day these verses are for us, for me. Acts 8, the Apostles and believers began to scatter due to persecution after the stoning of Stephen. But those who scattered, preached the Word wherever they went. I believe that by forcing the believers out of Jerusalem, they witnessed for Christ throughout Judea and Samaria and eventually to the world.

Disruption and displacement in life are usually painful, but the new place can expand into new work and new effectiveness. What change is happening in your life right now? Have you ever considered your present trial as an opportunity for expansion? I had to look at that question and really think about it as I was asked. I don’t think I have thought all my trials and circumstances were an opportunity to go somewhere different, maybe have a different ministry. I have never thought about it like that. But now that I have, I see that there are so many other parts of my life Jesus wants to work on besides this old body! yes He has used it to teach me things–about idols, about tithing, about being thankful and satisfied–yes I have learned my lessons well. Yet I do see there is so much more to learn–so much more about the Word and even how the Holy Spirit works, so much more about what I am to do vs just praying. Not that prayer is not important. That will never go away from me; it’s how the Father and I communicate. But I am reading about ACTS and DOING and feeling like He is going to be telling me what new thing I need to do.

As I was reading about Paul’s time in the desert for 3 years with the Lord, I realized earlier tonight that I too have been in the desert with the Lord for about 3 1/2 years now. He told me in a dream that I was going to go through the hardest times of my life, but that He would be with me every step of the way and sometimes would even have to carry me…and yes, He has. As I re-read some of my early 2009 posts forward, I see that indeed I have been changed. So maybe that time is coming to an end. I certainly hope so!!  I hope that I am ready to walk through whatever new door He wants to open for me. All I know is that I wouldn’t go back to the person I once was. I am so thankful that God never lets go of us-regardless of whether we let go of Him–and that He will accomplish His purpose. ” And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

God’s Work in the Hospital

My first night, I woke up needing a breathing treatment. I had a really nice nurse and she sat with me while I got settled down. I told her of my daughter Laurel who had called to let me know she was feeling called into full time Christian service in Venezuela to a group called the Jonas Project. These are small boys who have been taken off the streets who have been abused, prostituted, into drug use, abandoned–you name it. The project people take these boys and give them schooling, room and board and tell them about Jesus. When I told the nurse about this-she knew about the PROJECT-in fact her church supports it! She asked that my Laurel come and talk with them about her calling. And later, when her husband came to pick her up, he came in to tell me about a Bible college-Crown College in Tn that she should check out as she will need training! Wow! at 3:30 in the morning.

Then my tech came in next and  she asked me how I had spent the weekend. I told her of my successful garage sale. She asked if I were selling a sofa. I was, but it hadn’t sold. She bought it. What a blessing that was for me!

On Monday I got a roommate whose husband was with her. Soon we were talking about our similar illnesses and how we coped. Very quickly God came into the conversation. They both professed Jesus as their Savior, but admitted to some major addictions.  Off and on as we spoke (the roommate and I) I just shared scripture as God gave it to me. In the middle of the night, when again I was taking a breathing treatment and then she was, I was reading in my Bible and thought the Lord might have a Word for me. But no, the word was for my roommate! I read her scriptures from 4 different passages as God led me along. Together, based on our earlier talk, we knew this was specifically for her. Amazing! I wrote it all down for her since she didn’t have her Bible with her. The first thing she did the next day was share it with her husband.

Tuesday came and I knew my stats had been good and that I was going home. I did a little work on my laptop before the doctor came and he said he wanted me to walk around the floor with a pulse ox to monitor my oxygen level to make sure it didn’t go down below 90. Otherwise I would have had to go home with oxygen.  He had a student nurse walk with me. Just a few minutes into our walk, she asked me if she could ask me a question. Of course was my answer. She asked me “aren’t you afraid when you have those asthma attacks?” Well if you read my writing about the night of May 5th, you know my answer!! So we just finished the story when we got back to my room. She asked if she could hug me. Of course, I answered, and you must be a believer too! She said, “I am” I asked if I could tell her one more story…so I told her of learning to pray. Of reading in Isaiah 37 of King Hezekiah and his prayer to the Lord, and then Nehemiah 1 and his prayer to the Lord and to all the prophets and how they prayed–which was so different than the way I prayed. And she admitted how she prayed. So I asked her to pray like they prayed for the next 2 weeks and when petitioning, to be very, very specific. And then to watch what God would do. At the end of that time, a book called the Papa Prayer by Larry Crabb might make some sense to her.

My youth pastor stepped into my room as she left. He told me I didn’t look sick. I explained that God’s work was done and I was going home. He said the other pastors told me about you–what’s been happening? So I told him some and then he asked what I needed. “I need rest and no asthma attacks for awhile; we’re moving.” I replied.  He said that the pastors did lift me up in prayer everyday-how wonderful is that? and he has teenagers–could they help us move boxes? So looks like all of the stuff we won’t get done this weekend, they will be available to load and bring to the new house on Tuesday. What a blessing!

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